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Ramblings & RL Stories
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2021-02-22 12:36:42 (UTC)

Dreadfully Home

Home.
Was impressed, my 2x4s held up the ceiling. Need to add one or two more today, after I get coffee going and unpack and laundry.
I left my large 40 ounce Core waters 😭oh well. They should be there next time.

I just felt like a major fuck up today. Like I couldn’t do anything right. It’s just a life of hearing it all the time, and knowing when I did, it was normally harsh words or something leaving a mark on my skin as a reminder. So I tend to stress out and push away.

Really wish I didn’t feel so shitty saying what I want to say. I shouldn’t. I should just say it, but again, that fear of pushing them away, or they don’t want to hear it, etc.

*deep sigh*

Cats are up my ass for attention. They missed me. Surprised they had food left.

Munching on some chips before I go out to shovel. They have done nothing here. I was gone so I guess it doesn’t matter. I just know more is coming and I don’t want it so bad I kill myself doing it.

I have a meeting with school in an hour. Think it’s just redonkulous. Yeah, I said it. He missed 10 days total, 8 are excused due to deaths in the family or from being sick and 2 days are unexcused because he logs in tardy. So, they are getting their panties in a bunch and calling a serious meeting about his attendance. So, it’s based on 2 inexcusable days. Get a grip people. This is my 4th kid to run through this same school. They know me, and know my kids miss for a reason and I don’t let them skip for no reason or I call it in that they are refusing......my daughters did that, youngest was the worst and I called every damn day. Never had to do it for the girls. My son is doing the virtual classroom, because he’s worried about bringing Covid home to me with my health issues.

Anyway,
Missing someone too much. Wish I coulda been more vocal, but that stupid fear kicks in.

Wasn’t sure how to take the FB post, just hope he realizes, I’m in for the long haul, so is my boy. I will get better, just hitting a rough patch right now. Something subconsciously must be going on because I sure the hell cant figure it out. Not sure what’s causing the anxiety/panic attacks.

Gotta get onto the kid, on the PlayStation.....should be in class I think....

Grasshopper.....

I love you, truly, deeply, madly. I hope I show you enough everyday that you mean everything to me. 💋


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