Nihilist Cowboy

A Sick Man, A Spiteful Man, An Unattractive Man
2021-02-20 20:19:14 (UTC)

A My Diary Introduction

A My Diary Introduction

Until now, my entries have not been addressed to anyone in particular, an abstract reader so to speak. Now I am taking time to address the people who have taken time out of their lives to read my ramblings on life and to that I want to say: Hello and thank you for reading. I am surprised that someone would actually find my writings interesting or entertaining.

So you may be wondering why I started writing and why in the world I would post my stories in a setting like this. Well, I got the idea to start writing down details about my life at a young age. My great grandmother: the person who I was closest to growing up wrote pages upon pages of her thoughts on life. When she died when I was 16, I took several stacks of paperwork and journals and started to pour through them. With those writings I was able to understand who Granny was as a person and how she overcame despair, addiction, grief, and loss in order to become the person who picked up many parental duties that her grandson left when he decided he didn’t want his son anymore.

I doubt Granny had an intended audience for her writings, but she wrote in a similar style to an abstract reader. Because this is the 21st century, I decided to compile my writings on Microsoft Word documents and upload some of them to the online journal. You may wonder why I post at all and why don’t I just leave my writings on a hard drive somewhere. Well, in 2014, I wrote about 50,000 words worth of writing after I quit drinking. Looking back, I noticed that my writing style was different. I embellished details to make myself not sound as much of the bad guy; I was always the “hero” in my stories. Writing in this setting in a way holds me accountable.

This online journal was started in 2011 with my then fiancée Stephanie. We both created accounts and we read each other’s writings. It was a way of some sort of communication to each other in a way more intimate and long form than a text message. In 2013 after we broke up, I used this platform as a bitch session to her hoping she would log in and see what I wrote. I complained and complained, and it was very cringey. I decided to keep all of the old entries as it shows how much I have grown as a person; the old entries tell my story. I quit drinking sometime in the night after writing the entry “This Week” in 2014. Between 2014 to 2020 I wrote maybe 2 or 3 posts but decided to write daily to twice daily a few weeks ago.

I have several different writings grouped into categories with different subjects. Some entries are about my day, some are stories about my past, and others are topics after hitting the “prompt key.” The only difference between these entries and the ones still on Word docs is changing the names and generalizing locations due to privacy, this is not information that I would be too thrilled if my boss, coworkers, or the clients I serve to find out. I also want to protect the identity of the people from the past, they deserve peace as much as I do. My plan is to compile these writings together into a files on either Onedrive or a USB drive. On the original, I have also included pictures, and other documentation about my life.

Outside of that, there really is not that much else to say that has not already been said in an earlier writing, if you have any questions, comments, or concerns please don’t hesitate to ask. I do enjoy constructive criticism. Again, I just wanted to say thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings. I was honestly surprised I had anyone actually reading this stuff.




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