If I die today
2021-02-20 07:57:37 (UTC)

fixed and watching families breakdown

Had a few drinks last night of buzz balls. Just 2 to be spefic of my own doing. I have one wine cooler to knock out later today. Exspecially since I want ot go to a DTE cleanse Sunday I better get rid of that today. The chicken soup I made wendsday that Im still working on finshing up seems to be moving mu digestion along or maube its the black rapsbeery tea. Either way I crapped yesterday afternoon. Dinner was Papa johns with Ndea. He was sober I speficly asked for the store for my drinks. No luck on the phone bc the whole panadmec bullshit they told me to call customer service I'm not gonna mess with that right now but we tried. WE had a great night anyway just snuggling till just before midnight and we played a game of scrabble before the snuggles.

I had this thought yesterday yup another thought trail to keep up with. So I was thinking of nDea and his daughter caring for her mother and then started thinking about how that all works. How sweet it should be for a child to take care of a parent in late years. Is this the way it should be. I think so exspecially if you consider a family unit that has a housewife so old fashioned type family . It should be a sweet loving thing. Then I got to thinking Parents are getting ill younger and younger and now its a lot of mental congitive diease so the children are having to help the parents younger and younger. Then we get parents in there 30's who are mentally dependent on their young child and the child is training them. I see where lawlessness can come up bc noone's getting taught or raised. Also Seeing that the broken family unit causes this and marriages are not healthy far and few between. Thinking about thou a young child caring for a parent almost the way the parent should be raising them is sorta backwards but I can see society falling this way. Then you start getting into that and eventually legal ages and change and pedifiliea is a normal thing. Anyhow just a thought trail I'd like to complete and IDK how to normalise it or change exspecially witht the fact I'm steralized :( I'm not gonna recreate and lets be real I'm not who youd want as a parent and im not married to my love sooo IDK.
Yesterday yLindsey text me I think around 7am with a prayr request about her husbands job. I will pray. It just touches me that she reached out like that I love that girl and obvisouly she has some value in me to share the situation and to ask for prayer. Oh I was talking about teeth grinding with nDea yesterday and I told him the brain tumor thing can cause symptoms but what I have isnt like that as far as I last knew and I dont think I need another MRI but I mentioned to him the thing with yLindse sucks bc I do feel isolated and thats my buddy I wanna be friends I look forwarf to her but I dont want to burden her or overwhelm her. Also theres the weather so I'm cooped up a little more and my rebeillion against tyranne and selfdestruction by suffaction excerszing my legal right to not smoother myself bc my medical condition has caused me to be shamed by society. I think I'm okay saying stress might be the reason for my grinding. IDK what to do thou I need a bit of medical attention thou just a few things are bothering me digestion, teeth and well Id like another mri maybe just to see where I stand with the pituary I havebeen sleepy but I'm adusting my sleep schedule and I'm bummed out feeling defeated so who knows. Then theres the budget thing. also my joints all crack a lot now both knees arnt 100percent well the right feels tight now too . I think thou its connected to my hips and movements so I think the sex is waking up some musles and working me in a way I didnt exspect. Having like regular motion in that way might be suprising to the body . I gotta make some changes. anyhow budget for medical care is limited and I really dont want pills I dont think and I also am not gonna submit and smoother myself. Most my issues are minor and I can see how the life I'm leading right now is effecting me. So thats whats up with the body kinda goes back and fourth very generic complaints and discontentment . Well oatmeal is on the menu for breakfast but making it on the stove, then I need to relook at my walmart oder and click checkout and pick my delivery date get that set up and I also need to rebudget myself so gotta reset my wallet for a new week but the end of the month soo its all chump change for a few days. Saturday is the sabath in my book it is the last day of the week and so I should be dedicating some prayer time and focusing there first. so guess I need to redirect my thoughts before getting ahead of myself today pursuing all my needs on my own.

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