Subtropical Lady

September 2022 (3)

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 2022

There’s so much conflicting news out there that I just don’t know anymore what’s real and what’s not. As far as the migrant story I recently wrote about, I guess now they’re saying that DeSantis sent money to have documented immigrants flown from Texas to Massachusetts for who knows what reason, and that may have sunk his chance of becoming the next president. Even if it did, we’ll just get a carbon copy of him next time around unless Biden chooses not to run again and whatever other Democrat runs wins. It’s hard to picture Biden not running again, but I hope he doesn’t.

I still feel shitty and nothing has helped. I have a mix of anxiety, depression, and hopelessness. Again, it’s a reality check for me. If this isn’t me simply needing to get used to this dose, then I’m definitely looking at being tortured on and off for the rest of my life. I keep telling myself to tough it out and that I’ll get used to it, but I never do and I know I never will. TMJ, that annoying cutaneous nerve thing, allergies…those are the kinds of things you get used to and learn to live with, but not this. It’s never going to be tolerable or OK in any way. I try to tell myself that I deserve it as a punishment for anything I’ve done wrong in the past. That suffering will make me appreciate the good days even more. That suffering toughens us up. But I know I’m getting close to taking as much of this shit as I can take. Aly once told Molly in regard to her mother that one can only take so much pain. I agree. They can only take so much pain be it physical or emotional. Everybody’s got their threshold.

The thing is, I just don’t think I can keep doing this on and off for another 20 years. It’s been way too long as it is, and the only reason I held out this long was for Tom. But there’s gonna come a time when I need to be selfish and think of myself only. I’m never going to get my old self back. Not my old vision, not my old body, not my old mind. I really think it would be in my best interest to find a shrink that I can get lorazepam from and just end it once and for all rather than keep on suffering on and off for the rest of my life. This isn’t going to go away on its own no matter how used to this dose I get and no matter how postmenopausal I get. Oh, this spell will pass. But it’s only a matter of days, weeks, or months if I’m lucky, before the next spell hits. As always, there’s no off switch when it starts. There’s nothing I can take or do that stops it. Calms Forte may have made it slightly better, but only slightly.

I went to the lab early yesterday morning as soon as it opened and I’m still waiting on my results. I’m kind of frustrated because I got a notification saying they were up, but I’m not seeing them. Galileo isn’t seeing them either, they said. It can take a day or two to transfer to them. I think Quest is just fucked up. If I can finally get a straight answer from Galileo, I’ll ask them if they think I can adapt to this dose, assuming that most of how I feel is about me having to get used to it. Pretty sure it’s either about that or not connected to anything at all but just part of the way I've become. I’m realizing now that I really could have simply developed this strange anxiety disorder after all. Things do change with time. People change. Age has made me anxious, despite the coincidence of the timing.

I could sit here and wish for something to kill me like Aly sometimes did, but in my case, I know it won’t. I know I’ve got another 20 years left in me, and if I didn’t kill myself when he died, I may even have 30.

I started a monthly coffee subscription on Amazon with an assortment of flavored coffees. It’s much cheaper this way than getting it at Walmart and I couldn’t get this kind of variety there. What pisses me off about Walmart is that every time I find something I really like, they stop selling it. I can no longer get my reduced sodium Vienna sausage links from them. The ones I like are actually a mix of pork and chicken, I think. Either way, I’ll have to get them from Publix until they too stop selling them. They’re really great for if you want a bite to eat but you don’t want to cook anything or you don’t want anything that big.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2022

I had quite an emotional day yesterday in both good and bad ways. Most of my day, or night, I should say since I’m still on nights right now, was absolutely horrible. I had both physical and emotional symptoms of anxiety. Plus, the racing HR and feeling hot and flustered. All side effects from the medication.

I got a notification that my lab results were in but couldn’t access them. After the blood is drawn, it goes down to Tampa where their main labs are. Galileo said to let them know when I went to the lab so they could be on the lookout for the results, and I told them I went early in the morning. That night, after I slept, I told them I got a notification they were in but couldn’t access them. They said they couldn’t access them either, but it could take a day or two to transfer over.

We still kept checking periodically, both of us guessing that my TSH was going to be a 5. Even though that was what we suspected, a part of me was like, I don’t know about that. This really feels like I’m in the normal range with the symptoms I’m having just like the last two times. The only difference is that this time I haven’t had lung tightness or a booming heart. Yes, my heart has been racy, but not beating like the devil is chasing it. Still, those symptoms, along with insomnia and having trouble staying asleep, told me I had to be pretty damn close to normal if I wasn’t normal. But then I went back to suspecting that maybe I was only a 5 which would still be out of range since I didn’t have the same symptoms I had before. I could totally see why and how I was absolutely batshit terrified when I first experienced this when I was home alone back when he was working.

Now here’s where it gets hard to use the speech-to-text because I still cry happy/surprised tears at times. LOL

Finally, one of the times we checked, my results were in. I clicked on the results expecting to see red, the color for anything that’s out of range. The green I saw instead blew me away and the fact that I was 2.94 and not 3.something or 4.something blew me away even more. I started shaking and trembling like I had some kind of internal earthquake. Tears started rolling down my face. I had finally gotten my “green” dream even if it came with a price to pay, and that was some pretty nasty side effects.

I looked at Tom and said, “No wonder I feel like shit.”

“Yup,” he said with a nod, just as surprised by the results as I was and then I burst out laughing like a mad idiot. LOL

So yeah, I definitely had some seriously mixed emotions. It was great to be normal and I’m sure that in time the side effects would likely back off, but I can’t know how long that would take. Even just a week is way too long because the side effects are so debilitating. I wasn’t kidding when I said I would rather be nauseous and puke my guts out every single day than go through this horrible feeling, and we all know how shitty it is to feel sick and then get sick.

So Galileo, being the awesome docs that they are, agreed to have me scale back a bit to taking the 88s six days a week and one 75 a week. They put a reminder in my chart to check in with me in two weeks to see how I’m doing. They are truly wonderful in taking the time to work with me through this and find that ideal balance. They acknowledge that they understand the delicate balance when it comes to the thyroid.

I may still one day be able to take 88s full time but how I feel always matters more than numbers. Nonetheless, dropping 12 micrograms a week should still keep me within the normal range, if not pretty damn close to it. As long as I don’t go over 9.

I’ve always said that I write for myself first and foremost, and that is 100% true. However, if I share this with anybody who may find the information helpful, that’s great. I know I have some regular readers who are quite young and can hopefully learn from my experiences as someone who is aging and find some of it helpful. Hashimoto’s is a common disease that affects mostly middle-aged women. So if you, my young and regular readers, ever go through what I’ve gone through, I hope this can help in some way.

It's still gonna take a little time to get back to where I was before. I hope just one 75 a week will be enough to make a difference. After all, I went up a dose every four weeks and not 6. Between 6 to 8 weeks is when it really peaks in the system. So technically I didn’t give each dose time to fully accumulate. I’m a little worried about how I may feel tomorrow and the days after that because I've got to do six days of 88s starting tomorrow.

I think the only reason I was something like 3.35 which is higher than what I am now back when Ostrander tried me the first time on 88s was because I was only on it for a month before I had to stop because the side effects were so bad. I will always be ever so grateful that Diaz didn’t jump me to 100s because she would have killed me!

So right now my only concern is whether or not cutting just one of the 88s out will be enough. And how many appointments and how much money my dental work will cost us in a few weeks, LOL.

I’m tired today too, so I’ll have to go back to waiting an hour after taking my meds. For the last few days, I waited only half an hour. If that doesn’t help, then something else has been causing the fatigue.

I filled Doc A in, but as usual, she read but didn’t reply.

Tom has been the most wonderful and amazing supportive guy! I swear I would not be alive today if it wasn’t for this man. I cooked pizza sliders for him for the first time and he loved them. He said it was “Domino’s” good.

I was so glad to see he picked up the 75s so that when I got up, I could immediately start to lower my dose.

Mia is now on level 140!

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2022

It’s getting close to beach day (thank God as I need to get the fuck out) but I thought I would write one more day and then start saving stuff for the road.

I’ll be getting out for a bit this morning when the grocery store opens. Meanwhile, I still feel as miserable as ever. I slept worse last night than I did the night before, waking up on fire and having to pee twice. I do feel anxious but not as anxious as I did a couple of days ago and my heart is mostly back to double digits. Still, when the hell is my suffering ever going to end for more than a few days, weeks or months??? If something up there said in 2014 “may most of your days be pure hell on Earth” it definitely got its way.

I want to believe that I’ll get better and my body will adapt to this dose, but it’s hard to know for sure. I have no idea how long this is going to go on and how it’s gonna play out in the end. I still fear being tortured by this on and off for the rest of my life. Sometimes I wonder if I made a big mistake in not killing myself in the hotels when we first came to California.

I restarted my Gennev supplements and also the black cohosh until that beats up on my stomach.

I had chest pain again and Tums didn’t help it. It had to back off on its own. I also had a bit of neck pain, but I don’t think either symptom means anything’s wrong with my heart. Probably just stress or something I ate.

Right now my body temperature is somewhat stable, even if it’s subject to change at any second. I’m not too anxious, but I’m definitely feeling glum, doubtful, and hopeless. I’m having the runs too. Sometimes I wonder if I would feel better if there were more people around. I mean more people that I knew and trusted and felt comfortable with. I often wonder how it would affect me psychologically if we lived in a building, for example, where noise wasn’t a problem and I still had space and privacy, but there was more than just Tom around, and some of the people were doctors too.

Someone wrote in their journal that there’s no substitute for family, and in some ways they’re correct. Sometimes I still think it sucks that his family turned out to not give a damn and mine were the mean, judgmental, negative, hypocritical, narcissistic, lying, abusive, selfish assholes they were. Because of it, I sometimes feel like something is missing in my life but I still have no regrets about not having kids.

I just wish I could feel good most of the time and be at peace with my life and accept whatever is to come. But it’s not that easy. If I’m meant to suffer for the rest of my life, I can’t accept that. I can’t be OK with it if Tom were to suffer. I can’t say I don’t fear death or what may lie beyond.

Read an article saying that those that have bad dreams during middle age have a higher risk of becoming demented later on in life. I’m definitely the queen of bad dreams, alright. Laurie Handy was looking to shoot me in last night’s dreams. I don’t know how I knew it was her. I either sensed it or someone told me beforehand.

I was sitting in a place that was shaped like an L, much like one of my Springfield apartments. I was in the kitchen and the living room was dark, so I couldn’t see into it. But I heard the floor creak in there and knew it was her coming to shoot me. I quickly dashed into the bedroom and woke some woman who was sleeping in there to alert her.

Then I had a dream where housekeepers were coming to clean either a large hotel room or an apartment of mine. I asked that they please be on the lookout and careful of the large brown rat I had that was loose in the room, assuring them that he was harmless. Then the rat ran toward me and let me pick him up, even though he was squealing.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2022

My schedule has only jumped three hours since the 18th. I swear something wants me on nights. I’d love it if it was noisy in the daytime and I didn’t have emotional problems on nights. On the bright side, it’s nice to see my resting heart rate back down to 82 from 86.

I felt absolutely miserable yesterday, and I mean miserable. My heart wasn’t racing, but I was hot flashing a lot and felt anxious, depressed, frustrated, hopeless, and like I just wanted to drop dead. I started having moments where I regretted not killing myself when we first came to California and were struggling in hotels.

I cut today’s med waiting time to a little over 10 minutes. Since I’ve been feeling good today, I should be brave enough to wait an hour tomorrow because the fatigue is starting to catch up to me. I don’t think the fatigue I’ve been having is all about the TSH, though, otherwise I would have been exhausted when I was first diagnosed with a TSH of 32.

For the first time since we’ve been here, we went out walking in the middle of the night. It was 3:30 and some other guy was out walking too, so I’m guessing there isn’t anything too dangerous to worry about around here. We only walked a little way down the street and then back. We also went to Publix.

Governor DeBigot declared a state of emergency in the state because we may get “caned.” I just don’t see it happening in this area. One lady who’s been here for a decade said she’s only been evacuated once. I still wouldn’t mind a little excitement, lol. Maybe it could be like a little mini vacation if we had to go to a hotel. I still don’t see it though. I can see us getting some wind and rain, but that’s about it. The reason it’s been so dry the last several days is that the storm has been sucking up the moisture. Well, Hurricane Fiona was. The one aimed at us is Ian. Cuba and Miami have more to worry about than we do. Meanwhile, it’s kind of fun and exciting watching the hurricane tracker.

I feel so bad for Jessie, who’s had her own share of suffering. Her hip and thigh bones are OK, but according to her osteo test, her spine is in bad shape. She was crying and frustrated because she too is tired of having health problems. I felt bad for being asleep at the time she messaged me. I wish I could have been there for her.

I don’t want to get my hopes up, but I read that some snowbirds really do come down in November rather than October, which is when the Honker came down last year. Also, some wait until after the new year so they can spend the holidays with family as Irma did. I still think they’ll both be here in mid-October, though.

Sometimes I think it would be fun to live in an RV and just travel wherever. If I wasn’t such a light sleeper and we didn’t have so much stuff since it wouldn’t be easy to do VR in an RV, it might be fun to live nowhere and everywhere. As soon as we decided we didn’t like where we were at the moment, we could simply move on.

I want to go to Lowe's and get another plant with a self-watering wick and keep it in the planter it comes in because I think it would be really cool to have a self-watering plant. I also want to see how it does in comparison to the plants we repotted. I watered the money tree one last time in a final bid to save it, but I don’t think it’s savable. Ivy and Petra look great, but Fern looks questionable now and the Fittonia has more bright-colored leaves. They’re at the very bottom, so maybe they’re supposed to lose their color with time. The rest of the plant looks healthy.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 2022

Yesterday it looked like Hurricane Ian was aiming right for us, but now it’s heading more toward Tallahassee. So I would say that no, we’re not going to get evacuated. Just some wind and rain. No beach run this week.

Yesterday we went to the dollar store to get my low-sodium beef, pork and chicken Viennas. Even though I should avoid cholesterol as much as possible, they make a great snack for when I want something but not too much of something and don’t feel like cooking.

We’ve got a grocery order coming tonight, just in case we’re not able to get out for a couple of days. I just hope it doesn’t interfere with my sleep too much or throw me off schedule for my dentist appointment.

I had a little anxiety today, but not much yesterday. Tomorrow I’ll take another 75. Mondays will be 75 days. I made a special point of ordering some foods that are good for anxiety, like fatty fish, Brazil nuts, and green tea.

We’ve got to stop eating after 5:30 because we both have lab appointments tomorrow morning. It’s going to be hard on both of us. I don’t expect to be up before midnight, so I should have several hours of being hungry. It’s better than being anxious!

Jessie had to wait an hour and 20 minutes at urgent care yesterday for a UTI. We chatted until her phone got down to 20%.

We’ve got the kind of planters coming for the plants that I should have gotten to begin with. They’re 7” self-watering planters. This way all I have to worry about is light and keeping them misted. I think they’re just not getting enough light, especially with the tinting filtering the windows. So because of that, we’re also getting grow lights. One with four arms on a stand that we can put in the middle of them. I’ll just keep them all on the kitchen table. They kinda look cool all clustered together anyway. It has a timer too, although I don’t know how long I should give them light. I suppose no less than six hours a day.

The money tree is doomed and the petra looks the healthiest so I’m going to put the ivy, fern and fittonia in the self-watering planters.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 26, 2022

We are now officially evacuated! Off to a hotel in Orlando we go. I don’t mind a fun little mini vacation at all. I just hope we have a home to return to!

Earlier...

Going to the lab this morning turned out to be a dry run for me. They didn’t have any other test ordered for me on their computer. So I went hungry for nothing. Then Tom’s doctor screwed up the codes or something like that, though he did get blood drawn.

The 3 planters are really 6 planters! When they said 6 pieces, I thought that meant 3 pots and 3 bottoms where you pour the water in. We ran out of dirt before we could replant the Petra, but I think I’ll leave that one in the pink planter it’s in right now because it’s doing OK. I just wish the instructions said whether or not I’m supposed to keep the water level topped off in the bottom, or just fill it up whenever it empties.

Still not sure if we’re going to have to evacuate, but I would say no. I at least went out and took down the wind chimes and moved my decorations.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 27, 2022

Hi ho, off to Orlando we go! I just wish I wasn’t so warm and with an elevated HR…again. I took an 88 and waited an hour today, but there’s no way I’m going to wait an hour for coffee on vacation. We’ll be gone till Friday. The question is, what am I going to do if I’m not better when Galileo contacts me to see how I’ve been? Suggest cutting out another 88? Ask for a shrink referral so I could have lorazepam? All I know is that I’m just so fucking sick of this shit! All I do is suffer. I hope it isn’t going to spoil too much of this trip for me! It’s going to be a long day for me, as I’ve been up since 1:30. Thank God I’m on days now!

Galileo sent me an automated message asking if I’m ready for a refill. I told them I had enough for a couple more weeks and said I was being evacuated because of the hurricane but would request a refill when I got home. They thanked me for letting them know and said to stay safe.

I was going to write on the termite’s wall something to the effect of the book that was published about her and her kids being a thrilling read, then dump Mia’s account until I realized I was dumb enough not to save the PW for that account. Oh well. If I ever have anything to say to them again I can either create a new account or just unblock them from my main account long enough to say what I’ve got to say. Not likely to bother, though, as I think they likely got my message from last year and that was all I had to say.

We’re a little stressed now, not sure we’re gonna make it to the nearest charger. I am not up for this shit. I’m hot, my heart is racing as high as the 120s, and I’ve been up a long time.

I’m also worried (a little) about the chest and neck pain I’ve been having on and off.

Later…

Oh, what a day it’s been so far! Vacations should be fun and relaxing, not stressful. Also, I should feel good and not like pure shit. For all of our post-Hawaii vacations, there’s always a problem. Always. In 2016, I had to have anxiety and a heat stroke. In coming to the state, I was exhausted with a pounding heart. Same shit going to Orlando.

It sucks that none of my supplements seem to be helping, even though I did take them with us. I just hope I’m not up forever and tired tomorrow. There’s always the worry that there’s going to be tons of doors slamming along with his snoring. We’re already running behind. I tell you, every time we travel there are problems and delays. One of the two chargers was broken, so we had to wait for the guy using the working one. This was when we stopped at City Hall in Zephyrhills. At least I could wait inside where it was nice and cool. Plus, we had to use the bathrooms.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 29, 2022

Our second of three days at the hotel has begun. I definitely have mixed emotions about this trip. At least as Tom says, we now know what to expect should Jessie and I decide to do something together in the future. It won’t be as stressful going back because we now know where the chargers are and he even looked to find more fast chargers along the way. We just might get stuck in traffic. There was a section where we were slowed to a crawl. I remember saying that I could get there faster hitting the road in VZ. Going slower makes the battery last longer, though.

There has been some good in it, but it really sucks that they canceled room service. It also sucks that we can’t use the pool. It’s shaped like a river and has a slow flow. They give you a tube to cruise around on. It would have been fun despite the screaming brats I would have had to deal with along the way.

There were a few at the buffet we went to this morning, but it wasn’t that bad. The buffet was great. I got the same thing I had yesterday for breakfast only I had fruit along with it as well and a chocolate cupcake.

Yesterday I was exhausted all day and never left the room. There wasn’t really anything to do or any place to go anyway. He stepped out to grab us some snacks and then a burger and fries later on from the bar since they had stopped room service. As pissed as we were, the burger and fries were excellent.

For the most part, I did a lot of napping yesterday. I’m surprised I was able to sleep through the night, but I did for about 6.5 hours. Been up since 4:00 AM. I’m tired today too, but not as bad as yesterday. I swear I’m never gonna have energy again for more than an occasional day here and there. It seems I always have something. If it isn’t fatigue, it’s anxiety. If it isn’t pain, it’s something else.

Speaking of health news, here’s the most shocking news of all. Tom and I swapped places! Now I’m the one with a normal TSH and he’s slightly elevated at a 5. He read that men his age can get a little low on thyroid, but it can resolve itself within a few months. His good cholesterol is also low but exercise raises that. Even though he’s not like me, I still hope he doesn’t ever have to go on the medication just in case. You don’t want to put yourself in a situation where there’s even a one-in-a-million chance of experiencing the same kinds of side effects I had if you can help it.

From various sources - the news, Jim, Tabitha - we’ve learned that all is well on the home front, and as far as we know, we never lost power. Part of me wishes we’d just stayed home. Again, mixed emotions about this trip.

Now poor Jess is getting slammed. The storm moved much faster than they anticipated. Not to the point where she’ll be evacuated, but she’s going to be getting a lot of wind and rain, and worse is that she’s lost power. Nearly 200K homes in her area have lost power. About 2.5 million are without power in the Lee County area. I guess it’s a good thing we couldn’t move to Venice because it was too expensive, even though Tom liked that area.

Both here in Orlando and at home, wind speeds didn’t really get much more than between 50 and 60 miles an hour.

There’s more I could write about, but I think I want to save it for the road tomorrow, assuming I don’t feel like I’m going to die. I waited an hour after taking my meds today and I’m OK. Hopefully, that’s not just because my own TSH is a little higher.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 30, 2022

In the car heading home. Now, I’m more tired than I was yesterday. My heart is racing, and while I don’t feel like I’m on fire, my heart has done that funny flutter a few times. This much fatigue this often still seems a bit extreme even for being older. Also, it’s only 66 degrees out and the fan is on yet I still feel a bit warm. So worried I’m going to go home just to suffer some more with the usual mix of fatigue, anxiety, racing heart, and hot flashes. Either way, I’m still looking forward to getting home, having my own bed, some space, and all the comforts of home. Miss VR too.

I hope I’m only tired because I didn’t sleep so well last night. First, I woke up to pee. Then a couple of times I simply woke up. Then somebody’s husband was snoring like a ship horn blasting in the night. Had to yell at him three times to get him to shut up, and change sounds on the sound machine as well.

I still wonder - and worry - that my fatigue could be that I did get covid after all, or something wrong with my heart. Cancer? I’d say that one is extremely unlikely.

Poor Jessie ended up getting more damage than we did. We never lost power at our place and there is no damage. She got damage to her carport and some shingles. She also showed me a picture of a damaged dock at the river near her.

Ugh, so tired of problems with chargers! Yeah, that’s where we are now. This is fucking ridiculous.

Still feel shitty too (mostly tired) and wondering how much money and how many appointments it may take to figure out what’s wrong with me. Not that I could tolerate whatever treatment I may need, of course. I don’t know. Maybe it’s all in the way I sleep. Fitbit sure thinks I sleep well enough, though, most of the time.

Wish it was cloudy today or that I had at least remembered to take my pink sparkly cap. The sun is in my eyes and shining on me when I have to open the car door to let a sufficient breeze blow through. I’m so glad it’s dry today. The storm sucked a lot of moisture out of the air.

At first I wasn’t happy to have an east-facing room, not wanting the sun glare while enjoying the view. But the first two days were very cloudy, windy and rainy. This morning, however, it was very bright. The other side would have had a nicer view as it faced the pool.

Oh, great. Now I’m feeling those weird chest and throat pains.

One of the tires is low so he’s giving it air now.

Anyway, I’ll describe the room for whatever it’s worth. It was a good size, not huge, but a decent size. It was at the Signia Hilton, as I said before. The building has 18 floors. Being on the 11th floor was nice as it was high enough for a nice view, but low enough to still see what was going on down below. Not that there was much to see with the stormy weather. The thought of living in a soundproof high rise is really appealing. I’d want to be on the 15th floor, though.

It was great since all I heard were the brats when they were in the hall. Even the doors were set up so they couldn’t be slammed. If the place was built like ESA, it would have been maddening and I’d never have gotten any sleep with all the bumps, bangs and screaming I would have been in for. I just never want to be where there are so many kids again. I was surprised by how many were left unattended, too.

There was some kind of gymnastics convention for little kids, which explains what I saw in the lobby when we first arrived. A little girl of perhaps six years old was doing these perfect cartwheels. Two things went through my mind. One was that my mother never would have let me do that in most places, especially in a crowded lobby. And two was that I wished I had her energy!

It also annoyed me when some of the dogs would bark at us when we passed by. So that the people wouldn’t have to take them out during the storm, they set up a pet relief room. Gross! I pity the person who had to clean that up. Imagine the smell!

The toilet was surprisingly low. A good thing for short people. I’m guessing it was low because of all the kids that stay there. Hey, it was the Walt Disney World Resort, after all! I got some great pics I shared on Facebook. I’ll throw them on Twitter to share with blog readers as well.

The room didn’t smell as bad as the last two hotels we stayed at, but water wicked through the concrete under the window when it was raining. The carpet was a little damp and musty-smelling.

For the most part, I was tired, bored, and longing for a little space. At least when we’re on the same schedule at home, I can go into another room if I want to write or do something on my own.

He doesn’t regret our vacation, but I still have mixed emotions about it. I liked getting away, the view, and the food. I didn’t like feeling like shit and all the tech problems and delays we ran into.

The also had a nice coffee maker that turned off on its own. It had an option for either one or two cups.

*sighs with frustration* We’re now at the charger at the Hampton Inn since Love’s was broken. It’s a pleasant day, so we opened all four windows and cut the AC to charge up faster.

The chest and hip pain stopped, and by some miracle or two, I now feel a bit more energized. So writing, writing and writing to hopefully catch up. It’s easier to write when we’re not moving anyway. If I catch up before we get home, I can read. Our next stop will be in Zephyrhills, such a dumpy little town.

Back to describing the room… The shower was nice as was the $2500 hybrid bed. We had heavy feather pillows and an even heavier blanket. That was the only thing I didn’t get, a weighted blanket in Florida? Kept the room at 70 while I slept since I had no fan blowing on me. At home, I usually sleep with the temperature at 74 and set it to 76-78 when I’m awake, depending on how I feel and what I’m doing.

There’s a dark lizard and a bright green lizard on nearby electrical boxes. The bright green one looks cool.

Loved the verbena and lavender-scented Crabtree & Evelyn shampoo, conditioner, and lotion they had in the hotel room. My hair and skin felt great, though I’m sure they also had a water softener. I took some home with me along with the spare roll of toilet paper. Hey, I might as well get all we can for a place with shitty service, and we did pay for it after all. It was like being on the ship all over again…great food, shitty service. All that was good besides the food was the quiet, the amenities, and the view. Key cards wouldn’t work, room service was stopped, and we couldn’t get takeout from the buffet.

We were too stuffed for dinner on our last night there, and it was getting late in my day anyway. I only slept until 4:00 AM on the second to last day and 5:30 on the last. But lunch was good. I had penne pasta, fries, and a sweet dessert of some kind topped off with a glass of merlot.

This “fast” charger isn’t very fast at all. So we’ll be here another half hour. We’ll walk over and use the bathroom at Burger King.

Had the usual bacon, eggs, and potatoes for breakfast, and also a quesadilla that was good. The guy that waited on us each time we ate there was nice. He gave us sodas to go after lunch too.

Oh, fuck. We really can’t catch a break, can we? We may have to go to yet another charger. A guy pulled in next to us and also tried to charge, but it didn’t work. What is it with all these fucking broken chargers? This is bullshit. Why have them if the people that own them aren’t going to maintain them?

Lots of flooded roads in this area. Saw a manufactured home flooded almost to the base of it.

Passed an Amazon fulfillment center. They’re now starting people off at $19 an hour. He’s tempted to go part-time, but we’re not sure if there’s a fulfillment center near us.

So after opting out of getting some wings from the bar on the last night, we went to the gift shop. Never went to the gym. And of course, we had no reason to visit the ballroom. I don’t remember seeing the spa but I’m sure it was there somewhere. Got some snacks at the gift shop.

The other night I had a dream that we were home and Tom puked. This was the first dream where the house actually look like this house, too.

The night before that, I dreamt we were living wherever when I heard something jiggling the front door. My first thought was that the mail was being shoved into the slot. But then when the door started pushing open, I realized someone was trying to break in.

I threw the door open and found some big burly black guy standing there. I shot out a leg and kicked him. He rolled backward down the stairs. However, as soon as he hit the ground, he shot back up and charged back up the stairs at me. I quickly slammed and locked the door but was worried he was going to get in any second. I woke up before he could kill me in that nightmare, luckily.

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