༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻

Ramblings & RL Stories
Ad 2:
2021-02-19 13:59:20 (UTC)

Our Story

Fear this will be Our Story

When we met I believed your words
What I didn't know where you secrets
I fell for you hard and quickly
You told me you felt the same for me
I always believed your words
Soon after meeting, you had to leave
You needed to deal with your secrets
Secrets I still knew nothing about
I visited you every weekend
Seeing you reassured how I felt
I would never stop feeling so deep
I broke contact to protect myself
Unsure if you would ever return
Seven weeks passed and i caved
Reaching out to see how life was
Needing to know you were safe
Only to learn you were wanting to come home
From that day you were back in my life
Something was different about you
There were things you needed to tell me
Secrets that you had to share
Things you would only say in person
I waited for what you had to say
Time had passed until I learned everything
Only one secret broke my heart
The rest I could deal with
You lost your soul mate with your lies
This is why you were different now
Losing her you lost yourself
This didn't make me care for you any less
I know you are capable of loving many
Just as I am
You still had my heart
I never knew of this love of yours
This woman who was designed for you
You returned to me a broken man
For months I supported you
I listened as you put her on a pedestal  
All while telling me you love me
How it would be me if you never met her
I stayed strong when I needed to be
But inside you were crushing me
Always comparing myself to her  
I never felt good enough
But maybe that's my fault
I needed you to express yourself
I needed you to feel supported
I needed you to feel loved
I needed you to not feel alone
It became overwhelming a lot
You would tell me how much you love me
How much you need me
How important I was to you
How you would always fight for me
Then you talk about her for hours
You would be with me sexually  
Then cry because you felt guilty  
Everything reminded you of her
Your mind was always on her
I knew you needed to be with her
I knew you had no way to reach her
She was too hurt by your lies
Because I wanted you to be happy
Because I love you so deeply
I did the hardest thing I've ever done
I reached out to your love myself
Meeting her in person
Getting her side of things
Figuring out she felt the same about you
You two needed each other
But there was so much damaged done
Being a middleman  
I was your voice to her
I was her voice to you
You will never know how hard was
You expressed your love to each other through me
It was breaking me but I needed to do it
Everyday was one day closer
To you two reconnecting  
Everyday was one day closer  
To me losing you
"You will not lose me"
Were words you spoke many times
You were unsure if she would ever return  
I always knew that she would
She was unsure if she should return
I always knew she would
I was the reason you held on
I was the reason she listened to her heart
I was always there for you
I spent six months growing closer to you  
Always there for you even when it hurt me
You saw my struggle
You saw my heart break
You saw the pain all over my face
You didn't want me to be hurt
But more than that
You didn't want a life without her
You told me you couldn't show me proper love
Because you were missing apart of yourself
To slow me your love you needed to be with her
I wanted to believe you
Believe you would show me once you were whole  
To be whole meant to be with her
Eventually the day came
She was ready to see you again
I knew what would happen
The moment you locked eyes again
It was already written in the cards
You two would be back together
As I always knew
I was right
It's been two weeks since you two saw each other
You picked up right where you left off
Both ready to conquer the issues
All your time is devoted to her
You're set to marry soon
I'm happy for you
I really am
But I'm sad for myself
Everything feels so different now
If I see you I can't touch you
I can no longer kiss you
I can no longer be myself
To see you would hurt me
But what would hurt worse
Is knowing it would be easy for you
Easy for you to not be what we once were
Because you're happy now
You have the only person you ever needed back
You two are just you two right now
There is room for another love at this time
I expected it and understand it
That you would need time for yourselves
But it hurts no less
I needed you to show me the love you promised
Promised when you were whole
But my heart tells me you never can  
I don't know if you truly loved me
Not how much you claimed too
Not to the degree I believed
So much has changed
How much we talk
How we talk
How we can be together  
I hurt while you're the happiest you've ever been
I did this
I did all of this to myself
I know you were never mine
With her or without her
You were never mine
You belonged to her even when you were apart
I miss you
I miss us
How do I let you go?  
Am I even capable of it?
Do I even want to?
Should I wait to see if you return to me?  
Can I see you without breaking down?
I can't answer any if these questions

This is a true fear of mine.