If I die today
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2021-02-19 07:20:48 (UTC)

greed n need

Thinking this morning about the trouble being content. I may have been inspired these thoughts by veggie tales but either way I think I have a heart problem being thankful. I would like to correct that. I defintly have all I NEED and then some. My present bills are all up todate seceretly I have rent paid for the future and I have a credit that I maintain on my electric bill to spare me future dept so I'm always paying but I have some reserve. SO I'm sorry I feel like a fool for my bitching and moaning all the time and being stingy. While the saving is good I think its okay where I"m at I need to evelate what my value is in. I've really been mismanaging things bc my heart. SO here we are again. I"ve been adjusting my sleep schedule lately probly influenced a lot by meds but I'm searching for something and fact is I' may already have it. I"m sorry I have failed to apprecaite the roof over my head. I have running clean(ish) water. My man is well he's my man and definting worth being thankful for. yLindesy values me as a friend. I have dishes n stuff. Im almost fed this morning oatmeal is in the oven bc I used frozen fruit it in and well I belive frozen stuff could be contimated so I gotta cook the crap outta it. I'm inside warm there is still snow on the ground outside. I have clothes. I think I'm okay. I'm thankful for my family they've realy changed over years. I dont wanna spend my life in want or in fear of missing something exspecially when I have all this. I have the internet obivouly computer and tv that works and radio even if all that fails I have notebooks bible slinky I have stuff I can amuse myself and well IDK about people if I get bored I'm not sure I could produce people but I can try least people arnt super rare. No moving in my digestion I'm trying to keep a soft diet bc the teeth grnding I do have some neck pain I finished up the flexeril yesterday so thats probaly a gift actually I dont need to be messing with that. I'm gonna order my groceries from walmart to be delivered this week. I;m wanting to add beets into my diet for sure. On SUnday I want to start ditioesounious earth for a few days betwenn 6-10days I'd like to do it. Not much else to report. TOday I'm sorry for the blindness to whats in front of me that I haven been thankful for and my own refusal to be content. I have this nagging thought in my head for days about taking up just sining to help with this teeth grinding. I mean more like singing to the LORD . I do not have musical talent . I really think I dont have a reason I cant pursue that in my own home right? If i'm wrong what I have lost and if my heart is right and I connect back to the LORD omg thats a win and healing in itself.