Nicole

THE DOWNFALL OF MY MENTAL HEALTH
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Ezoic
2021-02-18 20:20:13 (UTC)

It’s been decided I cannot ..

It’s been decided I cannot live any longer it’s too much I’m going through with it this weekend nothing will stop me I’m not going to pussy out it has to be done i hate the fact that when people leave me they just move on and forget about me but i’m stuck here constantly thinking about them and i can’t get over that they’ve left me I think I’m getting better and then everything gets bad again. I feel so alone. I pushed everyone away but I wish they would have stayed. I can't remember anything anymore. Everything either feels unreal or like I've skipped a good few years of my life and nothing happened Always numb or always too emotionally over whelmed... theres no in between I honestly want to destroy those that have hurt me. I cant forget and it consumes me. How can you break someone you should have cared about and go on about your day like you did nothing? You traumatised me and you dont expect me to be angry. I'm still healing from things I didnt deserve. I get on a very scary level of rage. I am very consumed with anger and hurt. Unlike others who just let it pass, I explode into a fit of pure fiery rage. I am a very broken, angry being. i’ve lost all interest in everything i’m really struggling and have no motivation to do anything when is everything going to be okay realistically it’s never going to get better i wanna know people who actually care about me and won’t get tired of me i’m sitting here and i’m just thinking like has anyone actually ever liked me? i feel like people just use me for a period of time until they find someone way better and then i just get left. i don’t think anyone feels excited to talk to me or i’m anyone’s first choice, i’m just the background character in everyone’s life i’m so so sad,, like i don’t know what to do anymore no one cares for me like the way I care for them and it sucks sadness is literally suffocating me and i feel like i can’t breathe you know when you just realize you’re nobody’s favourite person my heart hurts so much,, I don’t know how to make it stop I’ve come to the conclusion that nobody really gives a fuck about me and I’m just an empty void in peoples lives until they are lonely or need something i’m so lonely it sucks forever asking to be someone’s favourite person .. maybe it’ll be better when I die maybe someone will care ..


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