༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻
Ramblings, Stories, Fantasies
Not an Open Mind
You can’t understand it all;
Rhyme and reason escape a closed mind.
Curiosity is a mind in the process of
opening to the questions.
That is where we find rhythm—
not in the answers we think must be true but
in the softened edges of the questions themselves.
Shut to one thing because it’s
tethered to another is not
an opened mind.
Awakened inside of you,
inquiry takes the head and gives it
it does the same for the heart, and
balance happens naturally.
It’s amending and a melting together of
all imbalances—an illumination of the
It’s as if we are made whole again,
remembered, because we
question the notion that we are
parts and pieces,
limbs and discernment.
Question everything and more rises.
Instead of certainty,
feed your heart inquiry.
Ask questions where you traditionally
keep to periods.
Instead of demands,
try desire, which holds its own quality.
The flower is beautiful in its own right,
but what is the fruit like?
Don’t stop with the obvious.
Go deeper. Go past definitions.
Dig into the sky.
Stay longer and uproot.
It’s okay to be confused.
Confusion is the perfect
playing ground for transformation.
The alchemy is in the evolution
from confusion to enlightenment.
To be okay with being confused,
Illuminate the questions,
wonder at what’s beyond what you know.
Discern and prefer, but
you are more and there is more
to melt into.
I question all the time.
I’m trying, to have faith, belief, and trust.
Am I a fool to leap? Is it appreciated that I did leap, and will they carefully, understand the history, and not abuse it in the long run?
I always do question everything to an extent. That’s who I am. To question (To extent), is to learn. To understand. To compromise. To acknowledge.
Therapy today, support meeting today.....dreading it.
My ex, Indio, I’m finally happy to have my closure. My heavens it feels wonderful to not look back, not wish, not dwell, not question. Finally, a chapter shut, closed, final.
His youngest boy messaged me on a fresh FB he made, told me stories I believe to be true about his sperm donor. I believe them, because it all looks to be correct due to his record....in black and white, and I’ve witnessed things and had to endure things I have never spoke of to anyone, till yesterday and don’t ever want to speak of it again. Some, are hinted in past entries. But never clearly written. I, can not, emotionally, discuss it, because, I’m not strong enough. I admit it.
If, something, as such, was to happen today, tomorrow, I would stuff it. Never to speak of it, because of shame. Plain and simple. That’s why, it took almost a year to get help with K and what happened, even after the hospital records. Shame. Lack of faith in the system. Ever since my adopted father, I have no faith, the system will help me get justice. I live with it as an “accepted” form I must endure, for some reason. The universes way of punishing me for something I’m unaware of. Sadly, I believe this. So, I’m changing topic, feeling sick to my stomach.
My journal was on private due to a threat, and people running IP and so on. But, I’m safe, and back up. If it continues, charges will be made, and I won’t have to, the authority will.