MISSACCHARINE

The untold story
2021-02-17 13:01:00 (UTC)

Wonder

WONDER

I always wonder, does he really love me? How far is he willing to go for me? Will he come to my country to meet me? Does he really want to marry me?
All of those questions have been lingering in my head again and again. I really want him to come to my country to meet me, but I can't ask him to do so. I don't have the right to ask someone to go that far for me. But, I am not rich. His country's money currency is higher than my country. I am still a university student and I need to work at least 1 year before I can go to his country. He always said "come here". If only I have money, I will go there but I am not rich. Therefore everytime he said "come here", my heart sank. If only I have money. If only I am rich... He think I am like his ex, she always went to his country. She was rich. I am not. I can't go there yet. Oh my. I cried again. I cried a lot nowadays. Is it worth to be with someone who always makes me cry? It is not his fault, because he doesn't do anything wrong. He treated me nice and never scold me. But he's quite private and he's not verbally open. So, it always me who overthink a lot. I am too sensitive and I have a very low self-esteem. But I am confident that I am better than his ex, I know I am smarter, prettier, nicer and have a great personality, but he didn't put much effort for me as he did for his ex. I know I always bring about his ex but it's his fault because he gave me too much information (because I forced him though).
By the way, today I didn't respond to him because of yesterday's incident. I feel bad for him because he already said sorry but I want him to become more expressive. I want him to respond more to my feelings. I always type a lot but he only type one line of sentence. I know he's bad texter. But please let me feel like my feelings were returned. Sometimes I feel I am wasting my energy by typing too much when he only respond with one line of sentence. If we talked on the phone, it seems awkward for both of us because we don't really argue on the phone. I don't know what will be tomorrow and the next day after tomorrow. But I don't want to put high expectations on him because he gives up easily. Therefore, I think tomorrow he will stop texting me and both of us will be distant again.




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