༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻
Ramblings, Stories, Fantasies
Ok Ms Diary......
What is my secret desire.....
Ooh, good one....
Well, Ms Diary, are you sure you’re up for the raw emotion of this one? I can list so many desires....I’m full of them. Some simple, some complex, some so dark and twisted yet erotic. Some pure......and so on.
Here ya go......
I would say my first true deepest desire, is to be completely truly madly deeply loved, treasured, cherished, appreciated, desired. I want to be a single persons everything. Just the thought of that turns me on. I desire to have my partner look at me with that sparkle, knowing they have the most precious woman in the world in their life and they would do anything to keep it. I desire that passion. That I’m everything to them. I’m most important. That to me, is the biggest turn on. That alone, would be a sexual tease that would blossom into the most pure enjoyment in many aspects. I wanna hear I love you from the bottom of someone’s soul and heart. In a passionate way, a complete desire and love..(I gotta change topics.....the thought of having that in my life is erotic turn on)
Second desire would be to get my disability approved and have a place of my own. To be able to not worry about what I need to sell to make ends meet. To have the ability to provide my boy with everything he needs and not have him worried about asking for something, even a simple thing like a bag of chips. We struggle so much he’s used to wanting and the disappointment and says never mind because he knows I can’t. That hurts my heart every time. He doesn’t ask for much. Wish I could say yes. Would help me feel better a little bit as a mom.
Third desire, would be better health. I miss things so much. It really does bring me serious depression. I miss working. I miss bowling, golfing, kayaking, hiking, riding a 4 wheeler, (did that ever summer with an awesome friend of mine...no longer friends, he wanted more than I wanted to give), going and walking 4 miles a day or more, and so on. My physical challenges bring my depression to a 80% increase. Hard finding someone willing to accept it and work with me on doing things that bring enjoyment to my life. I tend to feel like I hold people back.
Fourth desire, sadly, I hate to admit, I want a real wedding. The dress, the outdoors, the friends and family, the commitment, something I never got. My wedding was 20 minutes, four people there, dressed in jeans and sweats, as soon as I do was said, rings off and went separate ways, separate houses, separate towns/states. I desire that old school promise ring. That old school man desires his woman and makes that promise to always be there, not just words, but she can proudly show the world she’s off limits. Weird I know.
I desire those spontaneous ways of showing and saying I love you......example: airplane message in the sky crap....you know, different things, things that stand out, shows effort, love, passion, shows the man is willing to go all the way like I do. I’m always thinking of ways to spice things up.
Fifth desire would be complete happiness with myself. Complete confidence. Complete acceptance.
Sixth desire is to have that committed partner I trust, experiment like 50 shades of grey. To trust enough with ‘safe words’ and explore the world of sexual erotica. That passion, that desire, that trust, just is a complete package idea. That thought too, gets the fluids going. I want to be submissive, I want my man, my soulmate that I completely trust, to engulf me with his passion and desires and needs and wants.
I have more, they are simple desires....
To have fresh daisies in my house
To live where it’s warm all year long
To have my children say I’m sorry and truly mean they love me
I’m going to grab a nap. I’m overly tired today.
I didn’t sleep well. Up every hour.
Think I’m done here for today.
I accidentally ate a beef stick, it has msg, and I’m feeling sick as fuck.....need my epipen