Nicole

THE DOWNFALL OF MY MENTAL HEALTH
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2021-02-16 06:07:49 (UTC)

Feeling kinda sick I want to ..

Feeling kinda sick I want to rip out my eyes am i even real i just want to fucking scream at the top of my lungs and bang my hands against the walls and cry i want to scream and cry i hat ethis stupid fucking body i just want to die i don’t feel like an actual person i am delusional with love I just need someone to tell me this is real, this is enough, this is bad I know no matter how much or how deep it’ll never be enough. It’ll never reflect how I feel. It’ll never encompass what I deserve. I want to feel alive. I want to destroy myself. Ultimately, I just want to be loved. I want stability, care, praise but that’ll never happen and I’ve accepted that. are the gaps in my life because I can’t remember or because I don’t want to? mind is numb, body is numb, I am having the time of my life I’m slowly just rotting on the inside eventually nothing will be left i am not human, i'm a disease with a body. I’m sorry for the way I am. I want to be happy with you but I can’t let myself and I know it hurts you. I’m an awful person. I’m sorry I’ve been alone for so long, I need to know I’m not annoying you or I assume I am and it makes me want to take back ever crawling out of my shell in the first place always always feeling pathetic and crying on the inside they wish I'd go back to self harming (but be better at hiding it) because I was more productive then. Everyday I find myself becoming more and more suicidal and feeling more and more isolated and it doesn't help that my birthday is next week because I've had this plan to kill myself on my birthday for like the past 4 or 5 months But here I am still alive and for what?


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