me and my life
Still lot to say
I wanted to say a lot to monku. I wanted to tell him how much I struggled with mom's illness, how I dealt with dad and his death days, I want to tell him every detail about Naisha, I wanted to tell him that I have put on, my new obsession is kdrama. I wanted to give him gossips. But he shooed me away like a street dog. I wanted to know how is he. How and what he has been doing? Abt his work, his heart, mind his stay at Bhopal. What's wrong in that. I wanted him to tell abt my new favorite songs. How am dealing with our breakup, how am not doing well, how am not ok without him. How difficult it is to even think abt someone else. How annoying it is to even picture him with some one else.
Why he said ab koi faida nai, matlab nai?? He is probably dating. He owned my body ones and now he has disowned me completely he heartless can he be.
I wrote such a big para on my emotions and he still has nothing to say??
He hasn't even blocked me. His heart won't melt. Its not even a yr we got seperate. How sad bad. I should be over him. But I'll write him in my diary. And one day I'll send him credentials to know how I felt. Will that melt his heart what if by then it will be too late even by now. It's ok only a one life and in this life be with someone ull be happy with. Am not sure I'll be happy or not. But I surely want his love. I realised how how crazy love can make you. I still love him. Sometimes I get a feeling that he needs me he is having a bad time. I remember how I use to sit on his lap and hug him, how he would borrow his head in my chest and how heaven that feeling use to be. We laughter and cried like that. No one will wake me up as he did, no one will make food like he did I want that all again. I promise to not complain in my life. I'll never forgive God for doing this to us.
A small piece of my heart will always remain with you, tc of it. It has all our beautiful memories locked up, first time we touched each other affectionately, the butterflies we felt, our own moments. My love my monku am sorry to bother you like this, but I was helpless na. I am sorry. I will try to cope up with it by my self, you may not talk to me, but I'll read our chats and see our pics, listen to your voice notes like I was doing so far. When I am sad I pretend in my mind that you are by my side and I feel good, when am in trouble I think what you would have done and I tackle. When I am happy I think of you. And I have been living all these months like this. You are on my mind when I wake up and you are on my mind before I sleep I swear. Also sorry for all the hurts I gave you. I have no regret of spending time with you, fighting with you or anything which was with you. That everything was wonderful. I may not be able to love and get loved the way it was between us. I guess this was destined. But we both dint deserved this yaar. Be mine in next life plsss.
Ab block kar de warna me aisehi pakati jaungi. I'll never call you sorry.
Today I'll remembered
1. He peck me on lips and say meri chotu chotu bacche ki chotu chotu lips and wake me up. He would sit patiently beside me and wait me to wake up. Omg so much love it had.
2. How he would extend his left arm and protect me from sudden break jerks while driving.
3. How you would rub your toe om my feet and say pyaar tho bohot karta hu me tuzse yaar..
4. How you would rub my hand while watching movie in movie Hall. And me feeding you popcorn was my job lolzzz you dog
5. How you would shout me while driving. You know that still hover in my head. Left le, clutch bada, indicator de, lane mat badal pagal hai kya ? Slow slow break break ufff Tu utar me chalaunga hahaha baby I miss and I can still hear it.
6. How for you only punch lines of song where only important but never listen to whole song.
7. How you would shout me If I sway and swing while eating food. Baccho jaise mat kar karuna.
8. Once you even called me mera ghuu omg. Gobar was fine.
9. You remember tune mera pic delete kiya tha tab mene kitna tantrum throw kiya and then u got that pic back hahaha sry for that
10. And ande ka story banate ki jarurat bhi nai na 🤣😂😅
11. I still remember how you took care of me when I had bad tooth and swollen face.
I want that all back baby plssssss