Ad 2:
2021-02-15 20:43:50 (UTC)

what do I want?

Every now and then I ask myself the question: What do I want?

It usually realigns me to refocuses on what's important to me. Sometimes my answer is very specific and sometimes it is very vague. It also helps me gauge how I'm doing.

So what do I want?

I want more money so I don't have to stress or think about it as much. I want a tidy space. I want less clutter. I want less dust. I want cleanliness. I want an easier way to do laundry. I want to get through this new work that I find challenging. I want to get in a rhythm and do it like I do my other work. I feel like I'm avoiding it, and that usually makes things worse. I want to stop avoiding it. I want to take it head-on and plow through it. I don't like these lingering feelings of avoidance and dread--they take up a lot of energy that could be practically spent on better things.

I want to be able to cook family's traditional food more. I am preparing a big traditional cooking day in May and I want to be able to do it on my own. I want to surprise my mom with my own offerings, sourced by myself and cooked by myself, I started sourcing some of the ingredients and will still need to source another three or more ingredients. For the past several years, I've had this goal but when May comes, I get overwhelmed. So this time I am sourcing much sooner and when May comes, then I will prep the week prior to make sure I have everything and then spend the day cooking. I also want to do this to own this part of my heritage and tradition so that it doesn't get lost as no one else in my family is learning. I want to achieve this, this year. I also feel like I have to seriously organize my kitchen to have a higher likelihood of success.

I want to live in a bigger home so that I have a bigger kitchen to put all the stuff I want to cook within it.

I want to start sleeping better. Sometimes I get less 7 hours of sleep a night. I think I spend too much time worrying during the day and then it becomes a huge load when I think about the next day. It all comes together with how little I feel like I achieve. Maybe writing more of my accomplishments will help counter this. I always think about what else has to be done or what else I want to achieve. I don't linger enough to enjoy my achievements. I am doing a good job. I tidied my desk area today and felt like I needed to reorganize the setup... but really that's just my mind overdoing it. The space functions again. That was the goal and it was achieved. I am writing in my journal now so that's confirmation of the achievement. Normally if my desk area is too untidy I find it really challenging to check out of my environment.

There are also a bunch of different loose ends that are bothering me. I usually write them down and deal with them one by one slowly so they stop bothering. I think with this new added work I am finding it hard to adjust to less time and stopped doing this which started building up and affecting my sleep.

So tomorrow I am going to set aside two hours and plow through these loose ends.