Experienced Life
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2021-02-15 21:07:51 (UTC)

Thinking of the kiddos 😇

So it's been a long time since I've been with the kiddos. Over 4 or 5 years now. Last night we had together, my son actually asked us to hold hands and be thankful for being a family and asked God to keep the family together. God did. For a day. It was Thanksgiving dinner. The next day, ex wife grabbed the kiddos and took off. The day of, I took the kiddos to school. Girl was a freshman and the boy was in 6th grade. That day just like every other day I dropped them off, both said they loved me as they closed the car door. We knew. We knew the ex wife would be capable of just leaving without a talk, hint or reason. So everyday we were together, we cherished each other's love.

We didn't have little fights like normal families. No fights about dishes not being done. No arguments about homework missing. No fights about them wanting and fighting for their freedom as normal kids would. No fight about how parents don't understand what they are going through or the barrier between parents and the all knowing teens. No, nothing like that. Because we all knew that in an instant, Mom could just take off and leave. So we had a better understanding about life and love between the kids and parents. We said we loved each other each and very day when I dropped them off at school because each and every day could have been the last. We didn't fight about the little things because we knew our love may and could be cut off in an instant. Yes, young as they were, we all knew.

Yet, I feel good about the time we had. I was able to instill how important an education was with the girl. She is an "A" student and studies so hard. I taught her long ago how life would be being uneducated and showed her the life of others struggling after they are of age and at times with kids when they weren't ready. Somehow I did it right and she grew up and is doing well. I hope that part was because I had something to do with it

The boy? Well, he isn't as quick witted as the girl. Yet, he is a better person in heart than she is. He has something that no education can create. He has a heart so good that even I can't believe what he did as a kid. All the teachers loved him. He had friends in school and even my daughter couldn't believe it. She told me that even the upper grade kids knew him and liked him. He wasn't the smartest but the teachers loved him too. He doesn't lie. You know how kids are as kids right? It's in their nature to tell a fib or two. That's just being teens. But not this boy. He never lied to me. I'm not delusional when I say that I taught him this value and it stuck with him. He may not be the smartest but his heart is one of the best hearts I know of. Again, I hope this boy is like this partly due to me.

It's been about 5 yrs now I guess since I've seen them? Mom of course kept them from me and they respect her wishes so they've never contact me. The girl is of age now and she can find me is she wants. Don't know what the Mom said or brainwashed them with in the past 5 yrs but if I raised them right, they at least should live good lives.

It's been so long since I thought of this. I just feel that since I'm in a different zone now, I am able to access things in a different perspective. I still feel sad not being with them but now it's bearable and I can think back, recollect, and feel good about my part of being a Dad. And whatever the reason why my ex kept them from me, I'm ok with it No hate on her. We all meet our maker at the end and I have no shame in the effort I gave to raise those kiddos.

So yeah, I think those two kiddos will make this world a better place. For that, I am glad and proud I did my part. I'm just glad I can bring things up now compared to one point in my life, I could not. Don't know why. Must be good alcohol maybe? But I think I'm just in a slightly better frame of mind and now can take on more than I did before.