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2021-02-11 22:10:55 (UTC)

im trapped in a never-ending ..

im trapped in a never-ending nightmare and i don’t know how to wake up am i even myself at this point? everyone else seems to move on. everyone but me i don’t know how to plan for the future i never thought i’d have was it something i said??? was i too annoying, too clingy??? what was it??? what is it about me that makes everybody leave me??? please, i just want to know. It’s really just a repeat I’ve cycle at this point I’ll get into toxic relationship and actively revolve my world around that person and they do 1 small thing I freak out and explode and then they leave I’m just so tired of this I don’t know how to function normally i'm sick of waiting around for someone who doesn't give a shit about me I’ve been alone for so long, I need to know I’m not annoying you or I assume I am and it makes me want to take back ever crawling out of my shell in the first place always feeling pathetic and crying on the inside i tried really hard and i still wasn’t good enough for you. every time i look at you i see how inadequate i am. It feels like I am getting out of the pit of sadness loneliness just to fall right back in. Why do I even bother coming out? I realized I’m not normal, and I also realized how much easier it will be when I finally find my place in the world i need to FORCE myself to stop caring about people who only cared about themselves. it’s hard, and it hurts. but i need to.