THE DOWNFALL OF MY MENTAL HEALTH
I’m exhausted. Right to my ..
I’m exhausted. Right to my very core. I’m so tired of having to wake up and find the light each morning. For once, I want to not have to try. To wake up and have it be right there. I hate that I have to be positive each day as a form of survival, I want to be positive because I love life not because it’s the only way I can bear being here. I want to love not in spite of but because of. Because. Just because. why do i keep having a hard time after a hard time after a hard time after a hard time can i ever just be. as i am naturally. without overexerting myself to do the most basic things. Sometimes I go through my own entires thinking wow this person is insane.. I just wish my emotions would quiet down when i go out I know I’m not in control but this is how it has to be I know no matter how much or how deep it’ll never be enough. It’ll never reflect how I feel. It’ll never encompass what I deserve. I say I want to die but I just want another life. I really want to escape, everything’s fucked up. I’m fucked up. I hate everything I am, who I was and who I will be. I deserve to die. I hate everything I have done. I will always be disgusted by myself. Hatred scars me. I long for happiness I haven’t felt it in years the last time I remember being happy when I was 9 my mom bought me a bunch of chocolate after school and I got to get ice cream too.. i can’t deal with this disgusting rot inside of me. it’s always been there, i don’t know where it came from, and it will never go away. this rot makes me a burden on everyone i meet so i’m better off staying alone.