༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻

Ramblings & RL Stories
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2021-02-11 08:10:04 (UTC)

Yesterday

Had my usual appointment yesterday.
Was productive.
Was painful.
Always.
Always trying to do too much, that’s me.
Always have.
Always will.

Always try to please people in my life.

It’s amazing.
I’m not just the broken mirror.
I’m not just the glass figurine.
I’m not just the muck on the stained glass.
I’m not just the mask at a masquerade ball.
I’m also, the clay puppet, the marionette doll.


I’m going to continue to place items that represent myself.
I have my cheetah.
I have my porcupine.
I have my sloth.
I have my tree frog.
I have my sealed glass of ocean shells.

Anyway, therapy...
I carry guilt about my brother.
I carry the pain.
I carry anger for the couple that taught me to survive, conform, endure at a young age.

I talked with DD1 last night, via text. He’s on day 3 now of COVID 19. His Aunt now has it. He still laughs through it. He sounds rough. But was great to chat for a few minutes. I sent some of his old videos of a year ago. He laughed his ass off in embarrassment. lol. Was funny shit. He was surprised I had everything from the past almost 2 years saved. Every text, every photo, every snap, every video, every guitar session, every song he sung.....was funny looking back on some of our history. The fact I couldn’t stand him when I first met him. Absolutely thought he was the scum of the earth and a waste of space. lol. His stories of sloppy seconds in a car, in the back alley, behind the gas station in Cali. 🤣😂

I had a call come in and said good night.

We hadn’t text / chatted in awhile.
Was nice. Thought maybe he had forgotten who I was.

But other than that, it’ll be another few months till we chat again 🤣 just how it goes. He is my bro and hoe 🤣😂. The man hoe.
Think he might have mellowed in his young aging years tho. Don’t hear too many stories of the skanks he’s done or tried to run from. Yeah, he would agree and laugh. Some were hot as fuck, but some were skanks. If it had 2 legs and a hole between, he was up in that. 🤣😂 I could tell some stories, but won’t. Oh man. What a kid. He’s in his late 30s now. He’s had a rough life. He’s a druggie of multiple things, and still the party man, just not as wild as when I met him. So, there’s hope.

Kinda side tracked from my appointment.....that’s ok.
I’m sure I will post my own issues of my therapy and growth later down the road. Always do....one way or another.

Since it’s a late start for school, I’m going to go color my hair, and figure out what I’m going to wear because it’s so cold out, and I don’t want her bleaching another Victoria Secret sweater like last time. That, pissed me off. So now, I go in clothes I don’t care if she fucks up.

But, off to finish laundry, try to fix my vacuum, then vacuum, shower, color my hair, and roll from there. Might turn some tunes on today.
DD1 asked me to watch a you tube series he’s watching, said it was funny ass shit, so might check it out while I’m getting some cleaning done. Wanna grab a ladder and get the ceiling fans done. I’m a week late on it.

*deep breath*

TaTa


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