If I die today
2021-02-10 06:57:29 (UTC)

Here we are wendsday and yes ..

Here we are wendsday and yes its a yLindse day bc I love that girl but at some point It would be kind of me to relieve her of this burden and just see if our friendship still lives even thou my phone is nuts and well shes a busy lady between work family and serving. Anyhow I woke up at a redioclous time bc well I literlly think I feel asleep before 7p I needed it I think I even talked myself out of melation last night bc I knew I would find rest. I turned the tv off before 630 so Idk when my brain got to rest but yeah it was much needed. This morning Emik nNelso was heavy on my mind I think maybe yesterday Id been thinking of him too how sad that he was there doin so good and fell away. How easy it is to get carried away I still pray for him and hope for him. It's just on my mind thou how can someone go thru such a change and then bam here he is fighting with demons. Olny the LORD can save him but its just scarey and sad and I 'm not the person to help him bc lets face it I'm not right about men something within me is nuts about men. Even thou I have a man yeah know plus I'm cute doestn that send mixed messages exspecially since I will wiggle my butt bc thats me. I cant drag him down into more confusion and chaios but where where and the people of GOD where are the workers to help bring him out of this darknes.. Hell the lost are doing more for him than I see any "christian " dpong but there may be things I dont see. It comforts me thou bc wheil I was pray journaling this morning after reading rev 10 mark 3 and psalm 8 I found myself praying about Mike being a lost sheep and that God will go after even just the one and I find hope in that maybe he's not lost. Todays feb 10th thats the anniversy of JK and I well we sealed the deal its also the day he got fired. What do I do with that? IDK . I hope he is well and provided for but he no longer amuses me I'm totally shocked that I actually got over him but I'm not convinced im healthy realtionshaly. What can ya do? Yesterday mom called God bless her for being considerat enough to not bother with my cell. Anyhow Uncle yHarr is in the hosptial with blood clots. IDK what to make out of all this and how it matters if I keel over but I would like to be more involved and proudctive in society but I literally dont know what to do and how anything I have to contrubite will help. I feel so embarssed with my family specailly i never know hot to reunite after like ages of no contact and IDK what the latest romurs are on me . Guess that doesnt matter and its a good think to chat with GOd about rather than stirring in my self seeking
== side note ; well I will not die from my insides exploding I just had to take a poop break emergency evaction lol I have had some acceptable craps over the past day or 2 and bloating is down but I think my diets about to change again bc shopping==
Anyhow focusing on people today there nDea and well Idk he hasnt failed to impress me yet and if I die I love him. So I've been feeling very annoyed adjatated frustrated pissed upset and so on over this phone issue. I dont think its the cause neesarly or a matter of the fix I think its just very isolating and isulting that if my phone doest text that people refuse to call and I feel forced pressured into this system where if I dont text I cant have friends then there the whole pandmeic issue where i personal am a big old scarey threat to society even thou I'm within the law not to mask I'm still being put to shame and treated like a lepor and the smartest people in the world smh anre buying this shit people are afraid of me breathing within the law.. yeah what does that tell you? Anyhow so what I have been thinking about since yesterday there so much conflict in this country and think about the BLM thing and the breathers verus suffocaters what is the fruit of all this junk going on? Think about it the bug going around is leterally a legal issue discuized and a health issue. Today reading Mark 3 so I just thought about how can satan cast out satan I think that has something to do with our nation the media. The thing about the strong man and gaurding your house makes me sad too bc well my house isnt gaurded and what about other souls and then well the nation. IDK thou I have thoughts that just arnt able to come out in plain english to express in this writing but its enough to get ya thinkin and leave a message if I die its a nibble to get other people thinking and forming their own thoughts takin in this info. According to my man who was in the office when a package arrived for me yesterday the carrier stopped in the office to aks where my apt # was and the leasing off told the person NOT to knock or my door or tell me its there and that I'm always outside or something to that effect anyhow she told them not to let me know its there. I"m a little adjacted bc she screwed up my rent recpiet friday and I left a note over the weekend to correct it no responce at all and I do think she purposly treats me like shit and doesnt like me but she is not helping me move either so what to do I m gonna write a note again I guess. Anyhow gotta run.