wedonttalk

Being Sam
2021-02-09 17:58:36 (UTC)

Wobble

I had abit if a wobble today.

Work sucked and the lack of proper Internet made it 10 times worse. My kids have done hardly any school work because they can only access it when they hotspot from my phone, which happens to only have 1 bar of signal if I prop it in the spare room window, except if they use it, it throws me off my works vpn so I then can't do my job. My TV can't be set up because the engineers can't access my house thanks to covid either, the latest update on the phone line is its been referred to another specialist and I still have no oven (although I did snag one miracle oven as it popped up as in stock earlier this morning so that should arrive on Saturday!) The me from a few days ago that was trying to be positive and saying how lovely it was to spend time doing other things with her kids, well that me took off this afternoon and left miserable me behind.

I sat on the couch and just cried. I know how daft I'm being because we're all here in this awesome house and we're OK, we're healthy and stable and all that good stuff, but today I couldn't stay positive. My kids miss their friends and their games and I miss my family and my friends. I talk to my sister everyday, sometimes twice and with her being in a different country, it's always through WhatsApp but thanks to my lack of signal, I've only talked to her 3 times since moving here. I miss my friends who I was video chatting with daily, sometimes for hours, yet am now unable to have so much as a 2 minute conversation with because it won't connect. I miss the WORLD. I miss going for days out and taking trips and eating out or going to the pictures. I miss driving to Manchester to see my dad or down to the Farm to see my mum. I sat on that couch and my chest felt tight and suddenly my living room felt so full of pure fucking despair that I couldn't breathe. And I know now, hours afterwards, that this isn't something I should be getting worked up and dramatic over...and yet at that moment, the world may as well have been ending for how I was carrying on.

It just sucks. Not seeing people isn't so bad when you can still call them but when you can't do that either, it really truly sucks.



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