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Ramblings, Stories, Fantasies
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2021-02-08 09:30:12 (UTC)

February 8

Morning
It’s Monday
It’s snowing
I ventured out, decided to write in the snow, a little message just because I had hoped it would brighten someone’s world today.
I’m depressed.
My lower back and hip are killing me.
My toes in my left foot have been tingly for 2 days now, and it’s a painful tingling.
It hurts to bend them or walk.
I’ve been so bad with fibromyalgia pain my son couldn’t touch my skin yesterday.
This fibromyalgia increased my depression.
My sugar level has been high as well, so need to call the doctor to get my A1C checked and see if I can’t get a glucomater so I can keep up with it. I gave mine to my daughter over a year ago because she’s diabetic and needed it.
I miss my kitty’s. I hope they are ok. And my place is ok.

It’s been a nice weekend. Was nice getting out for a bit, but I’m ready to go home.
I miss my kitty’s.

The friend DD3 and I have made amends. I was just doing what he asked me to do. Was hurt that he had asked to have me block him, but he explained and I forgave him. He’s family. 16 years is a long time and I would be losing my best friend. I’m glad things have cleared up. Grasshopper understood what was going on and talked me through it which helped as well.

I honestly wasn’t looking for a relationship. I made that clear. But there’s something about grasshopper. This man is very genuine. He has such a beautiful spirit and soul. I’d be a fool to not let that be a part of my life. As well as Sheldons. Sheldon gave him a hug the first night here, surprised the hell out of me. He didn’t do that with Indio. Whom I still have heard nothing from. He got what he needed from me and disappeared. I don’t regret anything. It opened the door for someone better to walk in and help me more than Indio could. I have grown more with grasshopper. I’m slowly opening up verbally. It’s hard, but I have done it a few times now and the more he stays positive the more I can continue to open up verbally not just through my journal.
I often question tho, can he be understanding and supporting when my body gives out on me. I’m seriously struggling with my fibromyalgia. My nightmares have not happened here, and I’ve slept better here. I am guessing that the environment helps and knowing someone is here that might protect me helps. I have no clue if I was in danger if he would, I hope so, but not certain.

I have issues that with all the relationships he’s had, all the women in his life, and there’s a ton, that one day, one will realize what she missed out on and he will rekindle what they had. I worry that because I walk away and let go of the few I’ve let into my life. If Indio came back, realize what he lost and wants me back, I’d say sorry, and good luck finding someone to treat you as well as I did, but reality is, he’s a fool and won’t see what he lost till he hits rock bottom, and I hope that day is soon. I am a bit angry at him, because I did, want more after a year together. He just wasn’t working with me, he wasn’t compromising , and wasn’t supportive. We didn’t communicate and things went south. He was always looking for something to nit pick and rag on me for, always looking for something to go wrong to use against me so he could walk away. It’s all good tho. I don’t have that love for him anymore. I do appreciate the time I had with him. It did help me in some ways. Every person that walks into my life helps someway....good or bad. It’s a growing process.

Well, I kinda lost my train of thought here. Grasshopper woke up, we spent some time together and I made him breakfast again today.

So, I will pick up on this journal later when I get a chance to or I get home.


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