from my heart
you're still the same
why do i go so hard searching for somebody to feel a connection with and understand?? i feel like its so dumb. im pissed at everything and running on four hours of sleep for days now isnt helping at all.
i am just done with people. i just feel so empty inside and i want my wants to go away.
i dont get why my mom lets my stepdad treat her so shitty. he cant even give a third of what she wants and she still sticks by him. its so frustrating to see.
today we ate kfc for dinner and him and her were fighting.. i thought about when i was around 6 years old. when i was younger my mom, dad, sister and i would often go to the park and have picnics there. we would have kfc a lot. i wonder how it would be like if my dad was still alive. maybe eating kfc with him, there would be more laughter
i wish i didnt feel this way but i hate my stepfather. for all the talk of love, i contradict it a lot. today i feel bitter. i dislike my stepdad and how he cant say a single sentence without his voice thundering the fucking house. his voice is so loud and i dont think i would ever miss it if i no longer heard it. i know im going to read this one day and regret saying this probably but i dont care in the moment. ever since he came back i feel uncomfortable at home. i hate how he came knocking on our door after running away for a few years. he begged my mom back saying he has changed.. he cried and even got frostbite. he came back and things feel the same again except for the fact that my sister and i are no longer little girls. i dont like how he always interrupts what people has to say.. he is selfish. maybe thats why i dont like him. because i am reminded of my own selfishness and flaws in him.
i wish my mom would just do what she wants. i dont know why she has to seek his approval to do things. hes never going to be pleased. when my mom orders food and one thing is not his way all he does is complain about it. just shut the fuck up and eat.
i hate my mom too. i hate how she doesnt speak up. i hate how she never waits for an answer before jumping to more questions. i hate how shes such a pushover. i hate how shes so gullible and just so easily to walk over on. it makes me so sad and the worst part is that i am so similar to her.
i dont understand how relationships work. i dont really get it anymore. i am tired of it. i feel so miserable today. i wish i could just have a distraction of some sort.