If I die today
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2021-02-05 07:27:17 (UTC)

my heart ring

I gotta ring yesterday!!! total suprise that when we went to run errands at FM after I picked up all my little odds and ins nDea asked me if I wanted to look at promise rings. The ring I picked out was 2 hearts connected by the infinty sign its sterling silver and well the whole thing sis valued above 150 thats all I'm saying so it needs to be sized we are looking at almost 3 weeks before we exspect to be able to pick it up. I love this man so much. Its a promise ring so we're not getting married as if I was eligable anyway . He kept saying he was making me his in a cute way he was like your all mine now. I dont need fancy rings hell Id been happy with 10buck cheapo thing but he did this right and I have to appreciate that. I cant wait to have it but I already share the news by text with my sister and mom I'm waiting holding back on friends for a bit I know this is gonna raise eyebrows and "concern" bc well I'm me quite the track record. But this is diffrent for me I'm in a new expiernce with a man but why should anyonw hope or belive me right bc every man is "diffrent" and "special" for me. I'm worried there be a falling out but oh well plus he is not "christian" and not even into GOD. and well if you ask me I would place him as a democrat based on his beliefs alone but after discussing things and his own words I know he isn't he isnt any party. I also know a bit more now about his spefic thoughts on politics too that make it clearer he's not exactly a dem but on the surface he seems that way. We dont fight about it or even argue and on somethings were are on the same page so guess theres that. I worry about him thou a lot. Anyhow so this may be mean but I am not thinking of it to be mean but ledgit my heart aches not for me but for him. If I die today based on everything I know I would like for him to continue pursueing and get a way from his daughters mother and that he would be free of her completely for that burden to be lifted and just for him to be free. It's just not good and I think she's a little bit minuplitaive and sneeaky and I know how much it hurts him to be enslaved to someone he doesnt love and I also see how she has restricted his ability to live. If I wasnt here anymore I'd still want him to be able to live free and I would actually want him and her to have bounderies that are respected. That time is coming but I dont know when but even if he just lives as a bacholor I just feel like she has robbed him of so much life and joy out there and that he hasnt been free and well just its freakin wicked if you ask me I feel like he's trapped. I think he feels something similar to like it's a prison or trap. The knee pain kinda is transforming ito a muscle thing more than joint itself I have some mobility in there but could be better but my butt hurts and hamstrings and calfs so sorta vague but I dont think I have any serious damage as it has progressed this way maybe I strained or over stretched something lol. Still havnt pooped today. IDk how my diets going havnt taken in a ton of food either. so take that as it comes. No real concerning bloating thou or pain so i think its not an alarm if I skip a poop or 2 but once I'm putting more food in we will see if the output matches. plus I've been on 2 classical stretch workouts a day since the knee thing and thats been all of my activity so not like I'm pressing the digestion along too much not shakin it up a lot. I guess if I die today also today in my mind I would want everyone to know im sold on nDea and I do respect and love and trust him I wouldnt want him to be judged based on my history and if he was to meet my people whoever they are I would want them to get to know him and be open to listen to him about the situation allow him to clear up confusion before they make an opion on him thats where my heart is today.

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