༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻
Ramblings, Stories, Fantasies
Was a rough long appointment today.
Never did get any sleep.
I should have asked, but changed my status on my FB. I did it because I feel it. Hope I don’t offend people, but I’m serious about giving this a try. I hope this is the last and final time to try. I really do dislike short term relationships. I’m in it for the long haul.
I’m nervous, scared, but I know what I’m feeling. I didn’t expect this. Wasn’t looking for this. But, I am struggling to hold my feelings in. I value everything he has offered and shown me. He’s gone beyond what any man in my life has done (excluding DD3) but he’s in Canada and the few men I have had in my life have not made the full effort nor full commitment. I don’t want a half ass relationship. I give my all, and I’m working tremendously hard to heal, recover, and grow to be a better person.
I should have asked. Oh well, I did what I felt. I’m not worried about burnt bridges. I’m only concerned with being proud to say what I feel for this man. I’m not going to sugar coat to keep from hurting people’s feelings. I’m not into games like that. That’s just leading people on, leaving doors opened in case, etc, I’m not like that. I’m all in, or I’m not in it.
I might be one sided on this, but, I’m ok. I posted/switched for myself.
My appointment was rough but positive. I guess I’m in the “grieving “ stage. I didn’t know there were 5 stages. I never got to grieve over my brother passing a few months ago. Indio, 12 hours after my brothers death, belittled me asking “you going to lay around and pout all day”, knew of my mother’s passing, and never made an effort at all. He had no skills on grief, comforting, supporting, nor communication.
My therapist says I’m ok, I’m normal, and will heal slowly in time. He wants grasshopper to help work on a few things, like breathing techniques when I’m stressed, overwhelmed, and struggling to communicate.
Things won’t be easy, but I hope he’s the right man for the challenge. I’m a beautiful but damaged soul, and once I heal, watch out world.
I have to warm some chicken up, and go shovel, even tho it’s almost 830pm and still snowing.