I had therapy today, i even showed him this website so he could read my last entry. I’m often concerned about the way I feel, he explained to me that these thoughts might not be rare but just the expression of them are. In other words, plenty of people think like me, few are willing to say they do. It comforted me a little. I won’t say who, but some people I met here think similarly. Which thank you, because I was expecting more anger, people always get upset with me for my masochist desires. My therapist talked about something called Sexual Masochism Disorder, he even pulled out the DSM-5.
Short answer: I don’t have it.
Long answer: it involves certain things that I do not have. For example I would be likely to choose a man who expresses a sense of dominance over a man who is more handsome and financially stable. I may also fail to Perform certain acts that I have proven to do before. But I do not Indulge in constant self-sacrifices nor do I reject people who have me in good conscience. Another thing that is said is that people generally will feel this way even when not depressed, which each time I wanted to be raped, I was currently feeling depressed.
For any of you who do feel this way while depressed, please note that you aren’t taking note of all considerations. Ask yourself if you’re okay with losing all your friends, The people you consider family, being fed kibble.. scoffing at the last part? You don’t know what your local trafficker feeds their slaves... and that’s if they do feed them. Maybe you’ll be fucked as your body slowly withers away... even now that sounds a little nice to be honest, but still i do not 100% fit the disorder 100% of the time. Only like 30% of the disorder 70% of the time. Anyway, point is, keep your safe environment And ROLE PLAY YOUR DESIRES
I’ve mentioned discord many times before, hell its where 80% Of the drama that I report happen!
Step one: make a Discord account
Step two: find the website called DISBOARD
Step three: search for “BDSM” Servers
(They will be marked with an “NSFW”(not safe for work) tab)
Step four: join the server and fill out any information that server demands, don’t like their term? Go back to step three until you are comfortable.
Step five: ask people to role play with you, tell them that you are new if you are, then proceed to let your imagination fill your erotic and lewd fantasies.
It’s what I do, who knows, maybe you’ll find a boyfriend or girlfriend. Stay safe, keep your life...