༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻

Ramblings, Stories, Fantasies
Ad 2:
2021-02-01 21:51:39 (UTC)

No Rest (edited)

Oddly I have the song “This girl is on fire” screaming in my head.
I laid down to get some sleep, but forgot to turn the ringer off and the phone rang every 18 to 26 minutes. Just bites because I really am tired. I’m in pain and can’t ease the pain. Been sick most of the day on top of it all. Plus had my reiki/acupressure and meditation session today. So I seriously am drained.

Got up, made some garlic bread sticks and 2 ounces of pasta with broccoli and 1/2 ounce of chicken. All I have had today. Pretty normal for me. Did switch from my water to some V8 splash. Will take all night to drink a glass of it. Added a ton of ice so it waters it down.

Grasshopper and I were discussing this weekend. Sheldon agreed to meet him. I wasn’t pondering staying the night, but I guess if the door remains open and it stays g rated, it might be ok. Sheldon has to be ok with it.
I remember the first night he stayed at DewDrops, he got sick from stress. That was a year ago and the first place different he’s ever slept at. I don’t normally take him out of his comfort zone.
I’m just not ready to have company here. That’s a serious step for me just because of what’s happened here over the past 2 1/2 years.
1 ex beat on me and locked me out and I slept outside on a bench in below freezing temperatures (limp)
1 ex raped me so bad I needed internal stitches (dumbdrunk)
1 ex was mentally abusive so bad I slept in the spare bedroom and tried to commit suicide
Mind you, I’m not saying grasshopper will be any of that, but it’s still way too soon for me to budge on that. I’ve already seen him quicker than anyone else in my life, and I actually agreed to the first date of my life. So, yeah, let’s keep it as it is right now just so my mind can wrap around it all. I tend to get twisted mentally when I get overwhelmed. Hopefully he will understand and know I’m doing the best I can. I get he won’t wait, but I did compromised and met out of my comfort zone.
Why rush? I don’t want just another scar on the arm so to speak.

*deep sigh*
I’m so tired I want to cry.
He’s going to be getting up in an hour and I normally stay up because he drives over the road at night and I keep him company. Helps keep him awake and we continue to grow with communication and trust. Only bad thing, I’m not getting my rest, and I’m skipping my night time medications to stay up and struggling physically because of it.
((Speaking of.....he’s calling me now))

Brb

I think my medications and health issues are going to be an issue.
I’ve noticed lately that certain topics of discussion become a long silence then a subject change.
Soooo, am going to figure out my plan here.
I’ve got 2 options....
No, I’m not going to discuss them. I will just talk to a friend about it and my therapist and weigh the two options.
I’m sure, I will be hated for both. Both are a no win.

Going to vent.


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