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Ramblings, Stories, Fantasies
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2021-02-01 20:18:35 (UTC)

Self Awareness

There are those of us who truly desire and strive to become the very best of ourselves that we can be. To become fully and wholly actualized human beings.

For myself personally, I have found there is a constant ongoing struggle between our basic humanity and this higher self or being that we carry within us and strive to make manifest in the world.

For every individual, this struggle and this goal that we strive for manifests and is fed or diminished in very different, personal ways.

There are many paths to becoming our highest and best self, however I believe there are common traits among all those who strive upon this path of higher attainment of self and being within the world.

People on this path attempting to become their best and highest self are painfully aware that everything they do has an effect on or creates a cycle and is part of what they see come back to themselves, in their life.

They have an incredible amount of self awareness and self knowledge. I find that amazing and honorable and have a deep respect for this attribute in any person.

It has always seemed to me that having this larger awareness of self and cause and effect should already give one a leg up and make the process of personal change simple, direct and clear.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Instead, often it becomes something that we beat ourselves up for. The whole "I know better, I am aware of exactly who and what I am & all I need to alter and yet am incapable of changing anything".

And so one gets locked in this cycle of trying to be more and better but then instead keeps falling back into familiar and comfortable repeating patterns, patterns you do not seem to know how to escape, patterns that in the moment often feel & seem necessary to your survival.

Which makes living in your life and the world in a different way very difficult.
Probably In large part because a lot of the time the benefits of old patterns almost always out weigh their negative rebounds or repercussions, at least in the moment. Until it doesn't and everything goes sideways once again.

Cliche as it may sound, I believe this is often because within, we don't find ourself worthy of love and happiness. (I personally feel this way daily) I have seen people have everything right in front of them and even while someone is jumping up and down waving their arms, trying to tell them otherwise, they will blindly destroy that which could save them.

I honestly believe that one cannot move forward until you  find a way to forgive yourself and others for certain things, and until you are able to not just SAY the words "I deserve better, I am worthy and capable of more"  but are able to really believe and feel that in your heart and being. (I struggle deeply with forgiving myself)

And that is just the beginning. In order to bring about true change in one's life, you must want, with all of your being, to be and live in the world in a way you have never before.

Until you're willing to allow everything to be stripped away from you inside, not outside, but from the inside, until you're willing to be annihilated, until you're willing to let go of everything you've ever thought or known or believed about yourself, until you willingly walk out naked and bald and bare and open to whatever might come, you are probably going to be stuck, repeating the same patterns.

Bottom line, the thing that made change possible for me and had the greatest affect in my life was when I truly accepted the fact that I am 100% responsible for or chose, and at some level, am the cause of, EVERY SINGLE THING that has and does occur in my life.

I accepted (hard as it was and much as I fought accepting it) that I had CREATED, ALLOWED or CHOSEN every single thing in my life. I had to strip away every justification I had and accept that I had been using them as excuses & escapes from taking personal accountability for my life experiences.  
This, not as an intellectual thing I knew, but on a deep, personal, ethical, spiritual level.

Doing so changed everything for me.

I truly believe those who have chosen the path of the higher self already have within, all of the tools, skill, ability, intelligence, knowledge, along with the heart & soul needed to create something different & magnificent in their life.

Ultimately, only you can know what rings true for you and is needed,  to bring forth your best highest self, that you wish to see manifest in yourself and in your life.

And I think in the end, maybe it's not even about the destination you achieve, but about what you've done and sown along the way...


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