If I die today
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2021-02-01 07:00:46 (UTC)

well crap

Nothing much is pressing on my mind that would weigh heavy if I didn't get it off my chest. However Im back to constipation again so if I die well IDK what the heck is wrong with this body of mine I've abused it so long that well this is bound to happen . My diet has been varying a bit more too bc loverboy and the fact that its the end of the month so fresh produce is off the menu here till more SNAP comes unless I break down and put the money into or let someone I love foot the bill despite the tons of food I have laying around here. Theres a chance I can get some crap outta me today thou I'm gonna try. The weather is in the 50's today and seems ideal for running so I'm gonna give that a shot well I've been plaaning that a while but it happesn to be it may increase the chance of poop as well. Anyhow I tried some ACV diluted this morning as well bc I'm pretty concerned about exactly how severe my acid reflux is I know its pretty bad. I'm gonna try ACV for a week or so and see if it helps or hurts plus ACV is good to fight candita too so its good to keep some of that in me. nDea told me last night that theres gonna be sex this weekend he's planning on a lot of it. Anyhow I would want my body at its best whenever it is time for him IDK if it''ll actually be this weekend or not but he knows hes wanted so whatever happens I"ll still love him. Today's Febuary so new month so I started back on ch.1 of revelation and then I was also in the part of Matthew where Peter is about to deny Jesus after Judas. Which btw that was a long chapter I didnt relaise before that its like 70 some verses but at 4am tryin to read its pretty noticeable how long that is. Its kinda saddening thou bc my own double mindedness what am I gonna do. As far as men it seems almost literally possible for the future to marry nDea but who knows. Then theres well just the fact that I'm a weeny man I dont really speak up for sh!t. So what am I gonna do. Its been on my mind and heart to keep praying about well abortions and about the pandemic. Also I'm pretty resist to this catholic spirit also but abortions and the pandemic I try to intially mention in prayer daily and then of course nDea I want him to know the LORD and truth so a few things not always a selfishl motivated prayer I do worry about him and he mentioned to me yesterday about he doesnt go to church. Well I dont either. I told him sometimes I think GOd may look down on what we know as church as say "who told you to do that". IDK but its about the LORD and salvation I dont think nDea understands he's going somewhere when he dies bc he was talkin about how he's not defined by not going to church and how it's about how ya live. I'm not sure he knows that it's about who you know bc you can live as wonderfully as ya like but without the LORD your looking at an eterity without HIM. so not sure what I can do or say I dont wwant to force anything down his throat or confuse him and I dont want to seem self righteous or like I got it ALL right and that Im perfect with GOD. Religon in itself doesnt interest me if that makes any sence I'm not interested in what we do or have to do or what people want u to do to be with HIM. I just feel like I just want to live life with Him so I try. but how easily I stray. Well thats that bc I feel like I'm almost about to start talking in circles.