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2021-01-31 23:28:10 (UTC)

Being homeless 😥

I have a confession to make. I used to be homeless. Yup, this was when I was a kid in Hawaii. Didn't get along with my parents much. I recall posting about what they said once and I'll repeat it again. Sorry for the profanity but it's pretty much word for word. My Mom said I was a "Good for nothing God damn fucking blood sucking parasite". I was a pretty smart kid. I had good eye hand coordination and I picked things up faster than most other people. When I was in the 10th grade, I was in a class with seniors instead of my friends in the same grade. Well, when I graduated from High school, I graduated a year early. Bad move on my part because when I graduated, I wasn't presented with a car or a graduation party like most kids nowadays. Instead, I was kicked out of the house. They said I had free rent for 17 years so their job is done. That was true actually but it was pretty challenging as a 17 yr old kid. Couldn't get an apt at 17. Couldn't get crap at 17.

Well, somehow someway in a wrong distorted kind of way, a 26 year old co-worker (manager actually) liked me romantically. I was only working at Mcd's at the time so what would a 17 yr old kid do? She was Chinese and had her own condo and car. So yeah, sex and a free place to live? I went there because I didn't have a choice and even if I had a choice, a 17 yr old horny teen boy would go there anyway. I recall my Mom telling me "Go ahead and find someone that would house you and help take care of you. Good luck with that". Yeah, that stuck decades later. So what did I do? Yeah, I rebel and push the buttons. I did find someone that would like me for me. Her name was Candice. She took me in and helped me get my license once I was 18. So on my birthday I got my license, the next day, I bought my first car. A VW bug. The 3rd day? Insurance. She also co-signed for my first loan. A car stereo system to build credit.

I stayed with her for a few years. Of course, she got me when I was still not fully mentally developed. It was more because I had nowhere to go. I did care but I didn't really love her. I eventually left on my own. Pretty daring because I was 19 yrs old but still no education and still struggling financially but I just had to go because it was just not where I wanted to be. She later gave me credit for leaving because I did have nowhere to go and I did have a comfy life with her. I just felt it was wrong. Between 17 and 19 yrs old, you do grow up a lot.

I regretted doing so because I had a very difficult time surviving after thet. We're talking actually being hungry. Then at times, I was homeless. Sleeping in my car. Now we aren't talking a big Expedition suv. I was in a bug. Curled up in the back seat. In fact, I now recall being homeless before being with Candice. I didn't even have a car at the time. I'd sleep at this little strip mall near where my parents house was. Sometimes behind the back of a bowling alley. Had a thin blanket and a manual alarm clock that you'd have to wind up to make sure I woke up before the people came to prep to open the place. Or I'd sneak into an old Chevy truck that I could open the triangle window and pop open the door. The radio wan't all fancy like it is now. It was just an old AM radio that could be turned on without a key. Hehe. I laugh because now I got my smart phone with my Alexa plugged in and I can listen to any song I want by asking Alexa to play it. Good thing I was in Hawaii because you never really needed a blanket nor was it ever too hot or cold at night.

All this was brought up because last week, we had some pretty severe weather conditions. It was cold and it rained. In addition, the winds were blowing so hard. I think I posted that I couldn't even open my truck door once and that's because the wind was blowing so hard, it was keeping me from opening the door. I recall being so cold and struggling to walk. This was just from my parked truck to the supermarket. I thought about the homeless people here in Sacramento. I felt sorry for them and thought I could maybe house them but jokingly laughed and didn't because I didn't want to get robbed. Well, today I read the news that some people actually didn't make it. Some homeless people died from the weather. Specifically , one woman. She was in her homeless tent and the weather was just too cold for her that it killed her. WTF?! It just got too cold and too wet for them that they actually died?! BTW, I'm in America!! So yeah, this news hit me hard because.... been there done that. Somehow I got lucky and survived. Somehow, I got an education. Somehow, I now am doing fine. These people? They didn't. I feel bad for not helping them out. The State has shelter but didn't open them because of the legalities of Covid. Stupid stupid stupid. To maybe die or for sure die? I think the choice was obvious. Here I am. Living in a 3 bed 2 bath. Nice backyard, nice family room and now my empty pool table room that I assume was a living room? A spoiled emmer-effer!! Crap!! I need to be better than this! I need to step up to bat and not be so fricking selfish!!

Can't do anything about it now. Damage is done. I still won't be stupid and house a homeless person in my home but I'll think of something else to do to help. I had jackets and gave it to my friend that just got the condo rental and is very ill. I'm going to the thrift store and maybe get something for the homeless. Waterproof jackets or something. Dunno. Suggestions? Maybe donate time to the homeless shelter?

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