༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻
Ramblings & RL Stories
My daughter came and left.
Loaded her up with 3 full boxes of food that I bought for my family when everyone lived here 6 months ago that I won’t or can’t eat.
Was good to see her.
She asked about Indio. I said I had to walk away. She asked how I’m handling it because she knew once upon a time I was in love with him and was looking at him as a completed family....something Indio said he wanted too. I said I’m getting through it. That for months we had had problems and I was scared of him and not happy and we drifted apart and didn’t talk anymore. I need to continue to grow in a positive aspect, not be around negativity. That partners tend to split when they don’t work together in the growing and that actions are stronger than empty words. Something Indio was good at, empty words with no proof/actions. To say you want to adopt Sheldon, this soon, yet say we rushed into a relationship, was a contradiction. There was a ton of those the last 4 months.
We talked about Grasshopper. She said it’s cool to have a friend to grow with as long as it continues. She has no faith this will last longer than a year unless he’s really going to continue to be supportive and understanding and compassionate. She questioned if he will keep up the interest and souly dedicate to us as partners so I can look no more for my soulmate. She was impressed he fixed my tire on my Jeep, no questions nor expectations nor demands.
I know grasshopper is sleeping, or should be, so don’t want to disturb him. So I’m going to make some hot tea, and try to get some rest too, but am not tired at the moment. I am, however, dealing with seriously swollen ankles and lower back pain so bad I started puking. The weather is changing and it’s effecting me. Had thought of possibly inviting grasshopper over, but embarrassed by the clutter and mess here, and worried chilling here instead of going out to drink and socialize would cramp his style....and I don’t necessarily want to have him running for the hills so to speak. I just need time to build the trust and wrap my head around his words and trust he means what he says. Not just say things to say them like a person I walked away from.
I sit here, trying to warm my freezing body, and the imagery of myself pictures itself in my mind.
standing on a huge lake that’s frozen over......
Just touch the lake.....
And watch my reflection.....
Into a million pieces.....
One day I hope, that the frozen pieces thaw instead of shatter, and engulf the heart into a warm beautiful sea, that shines and reflects the beauty in my soul.
One day while roaming the beach outside my house, I saw something.
Something sparkling in the sun.
It looked to be a forgotten mirror, claimed by the sea.
The mirror appeared to be worn and battered, but its beauty was evident and still intact.
And even though it suffered the wrath of the sea, it proved to be dependable and sturdy.
It was not until that one summer night,
In the midst of confusion, my most prized possession fell to the ground.
And much to my surprise, my once resilient mirror shattered into pieces.
So many pieces that it was impossible for me to repair.
For awhile I kept the mirror tucked away, unable to let go of the memories that it held.
Until one day, a person approached me claiming that they could easily repair the mirror.
Hesitantly, I handed it over.
They began to mend and piece together everything that I had broken that night.
And in no time, the mirror was restored to its former glory.
The mirror had a few added scars but still beautiful none the less.
They stared fixated at it's beauty, and tempted to hand it back to me.
It was in that moment, that I realized that the mirror no longer belonged to me.
And as I turned to walk away, my last words to them were,
"Learn from my mistakes, even the strongest glass breaks."
And with that......I’m off to rest.....thinking and wishing.....
To be the environment the grasshopper finds complete joy, happiness, and food for his heart and soul....and can settle down to need nothing else because he would be completely happy inside and out.
This is why, he is my grasshopper.....(I’d like to think “mine”) not in a possessive way...
The grasshopper is associated with astral travel. They have the ability to leap through time and into space where the true mysteries of life exist. People with this medicine have the wisdom necessary to overcome obstacles efficiently and are able to jump into successful ventures without preparation or planning. When the grasshopper appears to us we are being asked to take a leap of faith and jump forward into a specific area of life without fear. Usually that specific area is one that we have avoided and is often connected to change on a larger scale. This can represent a change in location, relationships, career or just in the way we perceive ourselves.
Grasshoppers can only jump forward....not backward, or sideways. So, when grasshopper shows up he could be reaffirming to you that you are taking the right steps to move forward in your current situation. Or it could be that he is telling you to go ahead and move forward, getting past what is hindering you. This is why grasshopper is the symbol of good luck all over the world. Grasshopper's ability to connect and understand sound vibrations is why he is also a symbol of your inner voice. he could be telling you to trust yours.