If I die today
I cant say
It would be really disappointing if I die today but yesterday I got a litte closer and I feel like I cant tell anyone just bc the pandemic people will get all fear driven and I'll be well punished put in time out isolated for lack of term. Yesterday the weather said it was 40degrees so I went to run and the cold air really hurt my lungs and my breathing got tight and I personally can identify what I was feeling as the chronic condtion I was diagnoised with around age 16... ASTHMA. i think the cold air triggered . Also I know acid reflux can be a sneaky bastard to and reak havok thru the airway also but I dont dare tell anyone I had trouble breathing bc I'll get this covid bullshit shoved down my throat. The condition I expiernced yesterday coincided directly with that spefic activity. The news is very concerning to me I see that well now We're back to funding abortions and such. Then the fact that that oregon happened to have extra vax to use as cars piled up and they just did an on the spot vacation clinic for cars stuck in traffic. I'm feeling very defeated as far as healthcare I dont trust the "system" or anyone I think it's all a big fraud at this point. Which reminds me to remeber who the great physician is. In him there is freedom also. This world kinda sucks. I'm really struggling to redeem the time I have on this life I'm ver preoccuied with my boyfriend just doin nothing bc well were not having sex. yestrday he got off work at 3 and just came straight in and sat down and made himself comfortable. I think he needed to relax so we talked i let him read what I had written yesterday which was poetry about basicly him but more or less about me it was 3 pages. It was about how noone ever saw potintal in me before or wanted me for who I am and noone ever saw me for who I am they see the foolishness or the past and the buck stops there noone really knows I have a heart and I want to have a heart. then anyhow we ran errands just to the ATM and we got food we also got food for his daughters mother and he droped that off then we ate and well until8 there wasnt much done. I did get my tinder out asked him to help me delete it and he couldnt figure it out either. so Theres that. IDK its just time consuming althou if I didnt have him around Id be on my butt in front the tv and maybe with food. I've been having trouble sleeping lately bc well crime and fear the nieghborhood has been noisy again and then I get all upset. so I'm on the tired and drained side lately too. Anyhow if I die today theres a few health clues. I'd also want to world to see the deciet we are in wake up people but I also know that its such a great illison . I'm having trouble with the words to express why I believe what I believe and exsplaining what the fraud is but I would want others to know but I havnt' mastered sharing anything. I pray thou for spefic indivuals to see truth specially those I care about most. I have been recently praying every day for nDea to find out some truth and that he would start to resist the COVID decetpion and I pray often that he is protected from the vacine but I cant force it on him and I dont want to say anything hasty or crazy so I gotta get myself straighted out and a better commicator before I start trying to drop truth bombs on anyone and I need to be more gentle and less frustrated and offended personally when I try to shed light.
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