If I die today
it's Wendsday I love you
So its Wendsday the designated day to remeber the people in my life and be sure that well if I dont love em in person least if I croack someone will get ahold of this and let them know they mattered. It's a tough call to start the list with yLindse or nDea .. My favorite people. Then there's iPatt, gGre , eMichell, My family sister mother brother, brother(s with a s) and my dad, his family unlce yand should be named by name as he reaches out or tries to connect in his own way. my moms family is huge so can't even run down the list. Mr. nNelso has been on my mind today specially his chef skills all I can think is we need more thyme isn't that the truth we need more time. I never did contanct eAnne or Yjudy. Ugh I'm a jerk and btw did I mention aLind sent me a xmas card this year probaly over sought it before bc well xmas.. Ugh but I do appreciate her sweet heart and she;s someone to be admired and an encourager of faith . The song olny Jesus weighed in my heart this morning and yeah know its soo true. I want nDea to want the LORD to and I'd hope he would seek n find him and find salvation but I know I can't do it for him. My nieces and nephew are also important to me I dont know how to relate specially since I barely know them but I know they exist and I want to love them. my heart goes out to hJos bc I seriously think something evil has entrapped him Autsim that mutes is concerned I remeber times when I have wanted to speak or scream and as much as my insides would do it in my mind I couldnt excute it thru my body. Or wanting to follow a direction but i would wrestle something like I couldnt foroce my self to do the motion or action. I wonder a lot if thats what he feels alll the time. oh yeah so if i die okay so I cant discenr this my neighbor Carl showed up at my door yesterday just to day hi he hasnt seen me around but Idk its a little odd and I rember Walter who isnt a good source of info who was actually the mans friend at the time had warned me he's alitte creepy with women . Maybe he's just an akward dude IDK he did come here months ago from being homeless and I was friendly. IDK but everything makes me nervous do I suspect he wants to kill me hell no. Is it possible he wants to sneak in and could be a rapist maybe but not likely maybe he was a relationship or consental thing.. probally or could he be prying for info to feed W.. maybe Idk. so whatever but lets say I die and its super weird thats just a thought to keep in the back burner. One thing that weighs on me much is eBonni C. I feel like I did take adavtage of her in 2017 after the trainwreck marriage and I'm very sorry and I have no exsplation other than I was scared guess I didnt want to run out of things. Im sorry about aTany too and I would hope she knows I know she did her best with me and I admire so much her love for her daughter and how she woke her up and helped gently get her ready for her day. I also think that Im a handful and well the whole way my mind works we were overwhelming for each other. I do believe thou she's a beatufil soul and her family and I wish Id known how to behave and appreciate them. Well I'm just grasping at straws to type and my text just beeped so I guess its time to wrap this up for now. I feel like for right now as far as I know i've got the big points out there should I pass along.