My silent voice
Ive been so fed up with my parents and their standards. Expecting so much from us because “We put a roof over your head.. We put food on the dinner table..” Which is fucking stupid. You choose to become a parent, why the fuck aren’t you a good one? So what you give me food and somewhere to sleep, its part of being a parent. You stupid cunt, i cant stand you when you act like were just ur problem, and eating up all your money. Expecting me to give back is absolutely Fucking ridiculous. The most i can do is wash your filthy house that im never in because im in my room. Blaming us for you not being happy and not being able to follow your dreams is disgusting. Maybe you shouldn’t have got pregnant with us.
And you have the nerve to ask “what did i do wrong? I raised you right”. Obviously not. We were raised to not say how we feel, or expressed our needs because we’ll just be labeled as attention seekers. You don’t believe that i'm depressed because “you have a perfect life”. If this was perfect id be happy, and actually feel comfortable to talk to you. Over 5 years of my life i've been silent because you whore wouldn’t listen, too busy with your own problems to deal with your children's. You overweight and a complaining, judgmental bitch. “You're too skinny.. Why do you think your fat?” BITCH BECAUSE OF YOU! All my life ive been compared to people, “your sister is skinnier.. You look like her.. You look like me when i was younger” I dont give a rats ass about if i look like others. I’m myself, im not anything like you or any of my family members.
You ask me why im so shy, self conscious, and have low confidence. When its because of you. I cant wear a skirt without you labeling me a slut, cant say i wanna slim my legs without being called stupid. I cant do anything without it being looked at as wrong. I’m so lost with myself its fucking crazy. One day i hate everything about me, the next im angry at the world for having such foul beauty standards. I hate having to distance myself from others, but i know they won’t understand. I’m so lonely I fucking hate it. I feel like a husk filled with hateful and depressive emotions. I cant cry without thinking how pitiful i am, and i cant just ignore all these. My feelings have never truly been heard. I don’t wanna spend my life worrying about where ill be. I feel so useless, like im just a background character for my own story. I feel like im just here to get worse and be there for peoples problems. I cant express myself correctly because ive been so alien to it. I just want to be accepted for myself and not be pushed away for being different.