If I die today
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So good news is someone did set off fireworks thursday night and I did hear something. Other news is well the pin to my gun was under the bar counter found when I was cleaning yesterday. I did pray about it thou for Gods help finding it and some pace but I still dont know how it got there or why and cant specalate enough I have so many outlandish therioes but hell I'm happy just to have it back. SO last night was the night nDea and I well I wanted him soo much so we got some allergyfree condoms since he has a tempory concern at the moment. And well I set aside the ring I just bouth that purity ring but ugh maybe I'll getmyselt a new ring speficly for being with him that still symbolic of something I'm not sleeping around but I think it's a little bit much to wear a ring of my commitment to God and open up that can of worms again with man and God on my mind. Maybe I dont need a ring. IDK. I'm feeling less insane thou but I feel insane for getting worked up and at the end of the day I know theres a dysfunction within my brain and thats that. Still sickenly sad I'm im just not right and cant trust myself but I'm relieved that my deliousiones arn;t overboard. hEdit showe up yesertday my former adovacate so on the record she was never here.. Anyhow I think I got a friend for life there I'm thankful for that we had a good visit but I was so outta it yesterday tire exhausted and insane about being insane.. aJessic texted me this morning but that was interupted by moms call. IDK I think things are on the up side. My mom is concerned about mysister and how shes handling her conspiracy theroies so that might be true I might need to really chat to her still havnt had my time with the LORD yet today thou I gotta get busy priorities.. But after that maybe I can help my sister seems to think GOD has called her to tell the world the truth of the battle and conspiracy stuff anf she also according to my mom has the belief we are in hell now. IDK I need to to talk to her se where shes getting these ideas I know my sister needs a purpose in life and needs love and the enemy is a great discusiser and will fuel on your deepest hearts desire and I know she hurts. I know God loves her too and that HE is real but also from what my mom says as far as my personal beliefs I am concerned for both their souls but if my sister is behaving as mom claims I would be concerned for her wellbeing on earth as well and maybe the children. It depends on how extreme things really are. If I die today well IDK I cant say that I've done anything recently to be an iminate danger to my life as far as I know. I think I sorta back to square A where Im like just please people understand I want to love and like you I just cant and mybe dont know how. Im sorry I treat people as meaningless or invaluable.