ish

ish
2021-01-22 16:09:04 (UTC)

dont even know what to ..

dont even know what to say.....looking back.....the last couple years....my head has been a complete mess......but i am seeing a faint light now at the end of the tunnel....

a better understanding of things............
to manifest my future.................the piece of land here close to where the kids can benefit the houses and shop....a greenhouse...a small river and a veiw......not to far not to close to city.....
a place of refuge for all of us......and the finance to take care of it all........the perfect spot for my pottery /sculpt studio.....the dogs room to run...pats forge/shop....a place to shoot freely......a warmth and easy going feel.........vehicles that allow the back country life...so maintaining property and being able to function for self........handycap friendly.............

i see from my deck on my land the southern sky overlooking the wooded rolling hills and prarie......the flowers bursting in the gardens....the site of deer and fox playing in the open grasses..........the sky at nite full of stars and a brilliant moon.....the sound of flowing water.....blessed...........

to make and take our wares to events...perhaps meet new people and old friends...........

the lose the wieght i have been fighting so long......and get into some sort of decent shape....to feel good about self...............to except better who i am and not be pathetic as i have allowd myself in the past.............im pretty awesome....i know where the haunt of lack of self esteme comes from..and i aim to concore it....it is no wonder my lack of feeling toward women....i am not the average.............

and once again i seem to temper the male species....the need to own..i truely am baffeld by.......but how he effects me more so than others.............though i am affected by all mine that would keep my company.........i will definately be working on my obsessive possessiveness......

i will only keep his company if he summons me.....and if he has company..i will act as his guest...no thoughts on jelousy or at least is what i aim for.....is good i had to watch his revolving door..........he has no reason to lie to me....so i trust his words to me on what i am to him.....i felt that too....but sooo completely possessive sometimes......expecially without warning..............i am aware...




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