legacy

If I die today
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2021-01-22 07:19:44 (UTC)

embarrsingly insane

So last night was embarssing and well lets say something that I expiernced was real might as well put it on the record and if not well maybe its profitable for someone to see the sheer insanity that is my life and find compassion on the next innoncent crazy person they come across. Admitly I had 1 vodka and cranberry yesterday evening made by me.. It was after 9 when I was trying to sleep and I heard 2 distinct bangs back to back and then a sizzle. I dont know what the noise were but within like 30 second I heard a man swearing IDK what it was but thats the point where I called 911. I assume it was nothing I asked them not to contact me back thou so guess I wont know but I hate this. I mean maybe these things arent happening and I'm paraniod. I had been stressed a little yesteray bc I had to talk to DSHS it feels so bad to talk to themolny bc well I have to rember all the crap in my life and the fact they olny put me as separted from my husband. Nothing really stops him or his minions from screwing with me but maybe another delision. Also I just feel like a spaz a failure bc yeah know this is my life.. nothingness. Then theres the fact that it always distrubs me how much info these entities have theey even said now they need the landlords phone #. What the hell.. I hate having all my info out there. So anyhow eventually I had a drink to take the edge off. Also when I got my gun out last night it was missing the pin compelty missing which is interesting bc I know I checked my gun within the past 2 weeks and it seemed fine so Idk how this coulda happened. I ordered a new pin online last night hopefully its the correct part but looks like could be 10days just prossecing before it even ships. so hopefully it'll show up but I wonder okay maybe somehow when I cleaned my gun I didn't put in back in and then thrue it away with all the paper that I had down on the table. The hard part about that is I know I checked it more recent than that. The olny people in here have been nDea and tScot and I dont remeber them ever touching it. I shook the case out hard nothing fell out I checked my ammo box nithing. it just seems to be gone. I tried to take a flashlight and look uner things so far nothing. so thats distrubing.. did I misplace it could there be any chance another human has touched my 22 since the last check or maybe something unhuman or was my last check less than suffient. I dont know I want to cry bc of my insainty but its like literally I cant help my reality. And its sickening to know that somewhere along the lines the people and events in this world do not always line up with what I live . I cannot focus so guess I'm done but well if I split out this body today theres whats up


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