Who am I

Discovering Me
2021-01-22 01:36:45 (UTC)

Why do kids break your heart?

I know I have to call my other kid this weekend, but I'm completely terrified. It's been 2 weeks since our last conversation, and that didn't go so well. How can I be afraid of my own kid? I have to watch every word I say for fear of making R angry. I already know how this is going to go. I will call, and if R answers I will say that I love them, and I have to do what I think is best for S. I will not let R dictate how I raise S. I am the parent. If R wants to, they can help me and spend time with S, but in the end I make the decisions. R will get mad at me and tell me that they can't have a relationship with me unless I do what they want. Then, I may or may not hear from R ever again.

As much as R is like their father, feels the need to control everything, and can be down right cruel, I love them. R is my child. I can't even see my life without R. But, I also need to stand up for myself and make R aware that I am a strong, competent, and smart woman. I know what I'm doing, and I've lived a full and experienced 46 years compared to their 21 years. They don't even realize how many more life experiences they will still have. I am well aware of how book smart R is, but street smarts is not there yet. People say that they always come back to you. I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that this will not be the case in my situation. I am devastated.

As promised, no matter how down I feel, I will state something that I am grateful for.
I am grateful for the years I have been R's mom. I am proud of R and their successes. I hope to be able to participate in R's life in some way in the future.




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