If I die today
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2021-01-20 07:20:31 (UTC)

you are loved

So It's wendsday a great day to be thankful for people and rember that to somone I matter and even if no human fills that well theres God's perfect althou I have humans who I beleive genuinly care. Also a great day to make sure to rember that everyones alive for a reason and purpose and well people matter. So today if I should die well I feel like a foolish failure at loving people but I want others to know I wanted to love them and I want to want to love everyone freely. My family I love them its hard and akward but I do care about tham and want great things for alll of them. Then there Ndea who I think I love and well I wanna have a pure love thou and I feel selfish still. Then yLindse my best friend. I'd like to love my neighbors and I'm failing bitter and sore and well I'm freakin crazy I'm amused by the weirdness. Ffcli I care about him and am thankful for him and aMarth . My neighbor nDaw is very likeable but never really had any relationship with yes . Walter I'm still confused on but I am concerned about his intrusivness and over stepping and cant get involved but I hold him as a creep and maybe I assume to much but theres the porn website then theres his behaviors toward me . IDK so I stay away. The people upstairs I dont think we will evr trust each other or bond but I worry aabout them and pray for them. Then theres the office who if I die today I would feel horrible for holding grudges against her and I still cannot resist and oppruinty to share about her rudenss everytime she comes up in conversation. I would like to forgive her and well reverse the bad feeling even if she is a jerk and may never be my friend or give a crap about me I feel like a rat thinking well I could die and the last thing I ever said about this lady was she is rude. yJudy I love her. Ynanc has been on my mind a few days now. iPatt still one on the greatest influences in my life. nBenjami I still hold guilt feeling I had taken adavatage of them and not loved them. I appreciate them and I know they have done all they can do and know to do and I'd want them to know I understand thier distancing from me. Same sorta feeling toward the zSchult and yStanl family. May seem repeative but lets say I pass on least maybe this clears up misunderstanding or misperceptions and soften hearts that I havnt made people and ememy of each other based on my own crockoshit thinkin and expiernces.