wedonttalk

Being Sam
2021-01-20 06:09:19 (UTC)

Feeling good.

I put some fake tan on my legs last night and honestly feel like a new woman. I know that sounds ridiculous but I just feel...better. How weird (and a little sad) that something so stupid has that affect.

I'm gonna tan the rest of my body tonight I think and then get my nicest cream bra and knicker set on so when Dean gets home from work at 6am, I can see if he likes it.

We've been talking and joking alot about losing weight lately and I'm worried that he isn't just worried about his own weight, but mine (I've gained about a stone since last March- sob) and the thought of him looking at me and not liking what he sees makes me feel horrible. So I figure now that I'm back out jogging (that first run was PAINFUL its been so long) and I'm cutting out the crap food, I can crack out some of that overpriced underwear I've got too much of lol.
I don't think that he feels unappreciated by the way. That boy knows he's got it good in that department (he likes to jokingly remind me of that agreement we made when we were 20 about getting naked atleast every other day...on a regular basis) I just don't want to let it..slip?

Dean and I go through so many phases where one minute everything is fine and we're getting on when suddenly we're arguing and don't want to talk to each other or my insecurities come out or he reverts back to his only child mentality..I dunno. It just changes so much and I really want to prevent that shitty phase from coming back for atleast a little while longer. Realistically I know married couples argue and people who are basically growing up together (helloo we got together at 17) will bump heads sometimes, and that's fine because we always work through them in the end and I love that part, but its nice to have longer stretches before we get to that again.

I talk to my sister every morning and her relationship with her "ex" husband is just...awful. They were so in love and everything was great and then suddenly they're screaming at each other and saying vile things they can't take back, both of them are too stubborn to compromise or admit any kind of fault and it's such a shitty environment they created for their kids. Yet when they split up, they talked more than ever and things were OK!? Now Baz is back at Donna's house and he's drinking again and they're arguing again and I just think, why are you both trying to force something that you broke and ruined years ago? I don't ever want to get to that place with Dean.
I'm not sure how I got off on that tangent. Point is, I feel a little of my confidence that got lost lately is coming back so I don't want to waste it.

The house move is still looking like 29th too, so that's exciting.


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