If I die today
2021-01-16 09:44:00 (UTC)


I do think noone passes with out an oppruinty to know GOD. That seems fitting and reasonably true of the GOD I know. Everyone has a chance. We're not doomed for the first heartbeat. What that oppruinty to know him looks like to each person IDK. Is it a split second in your heart or maybe years years and ages of grace IDK.

Anyhow Been thinking this morning about Ndea and yeah I spent time with him yesterday we're just spending time I'm sure and we've already told each other sex is coming. Thats not the thing thou and if I'm gonna do this I wanna do it right. He wants to be healthy too. I literally want to love him and I got a text last night that says I think I'm fallen for you hard and fast. .. My thoughts is that sucks could be a red flag and I mean I'm so far right winged I suppose by society standards and hes basicly a democrat. He seems to be on board witht the vaxines and stuff and seems to be believing what the media is presented. I dont know how to exactly tell him one day the govermetns gonna demand me do something and I will have to say no and that it I'm toast done in. Thatll be it no more SS D no more food life's gonna get rough and it might be the very things he can sumbit to within his concounious so where does that leave us? IDk I deftintly thou hold him in ahigh place should I pass yeah his say matter's I really want to love him and I'm trying to decide to make him #1 but I really think I need his heart to be clean with his daughters mother so whatever chat they need to have I think i'd want him to do that before I jump in whole heartly. Maybe I'm stupid proably desperate maybe but he's really a good man and he wants and god knows probally needs love and he has a lot to give. I want to make his life better not worse not more chaotic and confusing I want a realtion that enchances his life and well hopefully mine. I gotta jump in the shower but if I die today well I'm sober I'm in my mind and well just tryin to live. While today is Saturday which I believe is sabbath I havnt held prayer time yet but did watch Truth unedited prayer is about tocme probally in the shower but for sure after. I dont know what to do in this world and this life I just dont wanna waste it and I don't wanna be a fool a burden a tax on others.