from my heart
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2021-01-14 18:09:14 (UTC)

silly little things

6:09 pm

i am missing him a lot more than usual today. i wonder if he misses me too even though the last time we spoke was just yesterday and it was an exchange of only "hi's". he never responded after that. i wonder what hes doing today. what he ate, who he spoke to, if he smiled and laughed. i think about him often.

kind of hurts to know that hes not really my best friend anymore because that was in the past. he is still my special person deep inside and i wish he would come back.

ive changed. i am more thoughtful and mindful of my actions. i can put forth effort to better myself. everyday that is what i try to do. i also try to smile and be happy and dont get me wrong i am happy but sometimes i wish i could be happy with him. the genuine smiling and laughing. talking about pickles and making poetries about farts. just the silly little things that i never knew that i would/could miss so much. i long for that. i miss his presence.

i dont really want someone else to replace that. i still want it to be him.

ive been learning about the law of assumption and manifesting a lot lately. the main reason is because i want him back even though he told me not to.

im learning to "move on" daily. it just means that im learning to accept that he doesnt want me anymore.

sometime i feel fine and sometimes i feel like im dying inside.

i wonder if i can have someone who will understand my pain. i wonder if there will be someone to be excited to talk to me. i wonder if it can be him.

i feel like i cannot go to anybody. i feel really lonely. i wish somebody (him) would come back to me and tell me that it was all just a dream. i wish to feel safe, comforted and loved.. i wish i could do the same back. i wish i could joke about silly little things.