Josh is alive
I'm alive. I'm not really living. I'm going to live when my ankle is healed. I want to live in the desert, I have got to stop listening to what everyone tells me I should do and just do it.
I'm tired of my mind, I think that it doesn't serve me well.
I'm tired of covid and my family. I love them deep down, but I'm tired of them.
I am 23 and most people in their early twenties are fucking, enjoying their bodies, working jobs, trying new things. But me, I'm just in bed all day. I love learning about music. But The future just seems scary.
I miss my friends, and life is so much easier around people who love you and that you love.
Yet, I have been w my parents since march 20 or something. I've been dealing with a 65% ankle since March 11, 2018.
And I haven't done what I wanted to do since I tried something someone else suggested to me.
I compare myself with others, but sometimes I think that everyone is just an extension of myself. And myself is larger than any western view of an individual.
We are like those people who can't feed themselves but can only feed each other. We need each other. We can't do it on our own. It is pretty much impossible. I don't want to live a life only trying to help myself. there is no meaning in that. I want to help others, I hate the idea of trying to just help myself I don't think it works. I try it way to often but I can't seem to unlearn it.