If I die today
2021-01-13 07:09:55 (UTC)

friends matter

Well today here I am alive I'm well. Slept last night no awakening from nieghborhood drama. If I had though its not like im any less inoncent than them I'm just a diffrent sorta offensive person. So no need to be a hypocrite I'm thankful thou that I was able to rest and recover from probaly self induced just crumy exhaustion and fatigue. TOdays a good day to make better choices. I was already awake at 4 this morning so when the alarm went off I didn't resist it I made the choice to pursue that 4-430 quiet time I read rev, 13 . proverbs 13 and matthew 15,16. What stands out to me is the need for endurance. How even in Revaltion it says the saints will need endurance and then Jesus speaking about whoever looses his life must find it pick up your cross. In proverbs 13:20 it strikes me and I'm not abouslty sure how to apply this but its upsetting bc I do like fools much of the people I spend time with for basicly entertaiment are fools. In the desiction of gGre and nDea I know nDea is likely a fool and I can see his pain but his belifs and values don't always equal mine but this is someone I want to love and I love his heart so far and he might he just might be the man who can handle me. gGre I respect and Like a lot but I'm challanged with the patience of getting to know him and it sucks when I know he's literally right local but not even offering a date. Ndea I've know gosh I think he's been around for 9months almost. I also know we talked we were so shitfaced so I gotta talk to him again but I want to love him as for my morning thoughts I keep planning in my own mind to tell him I would like to take him up on his offer for now thru the end of FEB I want to offer him the commintment but lets just enjoy each other get to know each other and make no future arrangments not speaking of moving in or anything like that till after Feb and I know that we will not clash and blow up too bad. Perhaps thats wrong thinking and maybe the conversation will go another way or not even happen. IDK so cant cout on it. I'm a little behind on housekeeping as far as the apartment and the goals I set for myself routinly so I need to focus on those I have ylindse today :) and I need to make a check to pay my po box for the next 6months. I also would like to go to the grocery store I would like to be organised and not consume her time or overhwhelm her I'm sorta embarssed and fredmyer and the jean shopping thing I was in their forever. So I'd like to be more considerate so have to least have a preplan and pray for a calm mind in the store and I need strenght to ignore anything that overwhelms me as far as groceriews bc as it stands if I didn't go today hell I have a good stock to get by just wouldnt be everything I want but its not crucuial I need to respect that and not let my mind make me into a jerk and take adavtage of her kindsess and time. I need to love my friend and respect her. So lets say I die today which I have a strong feeling thats not gonna happen thank God for His redemption and protection and well theres 2 men in my life and Ia actually would equally want them considered as valued to me. But My friend(S) they are #1. They deserve recontion for there hands in my life and thier endurance kindsess and patience with me and its still (well I want it to be) more important to consider yLindse text first rather than the man of the moment or even if thier perament the relationship with her deserves to be held in honor. And well if the conoversation in my brain comes to life with Ndea and we reach and arragment I will eaither today or tommorw have to tell gGre that I need to commit to this other man and see and I can't drag him along and I suppose who knows what else I need to tell him. But it's all spectulative

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