I don't even know
I'm back. It's been awhile since I've written an entry. I think I wrote my last entry a little before 2021 started. Well, I'm back now. It doesn't feel like we've left 2020. The riot on the Capitol was for sure the most obvious example. I didn't find out about it till that night. I was just out enjoying my birthday, when all of a sudden, I hear that people were storming the Capitol. When we talked about it in class, it made me feel furious and disgusted. I thought we would leave all the shit behind. I thought that this year would be more relaxed and happy. But nope! Feels like 2020 came in for a second and came to kick our asses once again. I honestly just wanna cry. I've been so overwhelmed lately. With school, recent events, and some events that I thought we left back in 2020, I just can't catch a break. I feel like if I can just take a break and give up, then I won't be so stressed. But at the same time, if I don't fight, then I feel like I'm a horrible person. It's pretty sad how TikTok is the app that brings all the horrible news instead of the actual news. With SARS, Concentration Camps in China, Dustin Higgs, ect, I feel so worn out. I also have to be honest - my mental state isn't the best right now. I just can't anymore. Can't live. I don't want to. If it weren't for my family and some friends, I think I would be dead already. I've been having such horrible thoughts lately. Both suicidal and depressive. I'm always putting myself down for what I look like and how I am. I'm always thinking about taking pills and dying or just jumping off a bridge. I don't want to upset anyone who's reading this, but I don't think I can hold it in anymore. I just wanna get through this, but I don't want to be a burden. Anyways, I should stop talking right now. I'm gonna go crazy if I keep talking. That's all for now I guess. Stay safe, and take care please!