legacy

If I die today
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2021-01-11 06:32:36 (UTC)

I've done all I can do

This morning as I did a posture workout from Classical stretch somone came to mind likely bc the back problmes.. Yep hJos K. So I've been thinking about JK and I'm still okay with the idea I did everything I could have done with/for him and for the "realationship " or lack of. He never wanted me to be involved in his life or help and didn't value what I had to offer as far as mental emontional social and even in the physcial as far as healthwise and adivce he didnt want my help he doesnt need anything from me. I feel a little bad bc last time I talked to him when he declared he was dating someoneelse and oh were gonna always be friends at that point he was getting chiropractic care for his back bc it had flared up. As much as I feel like a dick for not following up and makin sure he is okay theres nothing I can do even if he was to answer his phone if he says hes fine then well hes fine and if he says hes not what am I going do nothing and he woouldnt even consider asking me to do anything to help him anyway. For sanity's sake I think its cool just let him be. Sad and its not that I dont care but for whats at hand this isn't a form on not caring its just how things work . Calling or askin how its going as sweet as I think it would be if it holds no value to him then really I'm not doing any good.
In the physcial ok so if I die today well I'm proablly asking for it. Ha. So theres one otheer thing to note to about this weekend I think it was Friday or saturady I got a message on Tinder from this match and the conversation was lets hook up.. I Dam this guy was straight to the point.. and I didn't reply and hours later I got the "?" text then I got like another ?.. So anyhow what the hell I deleted the guy an ignored him but hell I keep getting myslef tangled in all this wierd shit. Then okay so yesterday... I think I had an allergy but IDK so I made tacos again with those street taco shells which usualy I dont get that style shell. I also had been cleaning much of the day too but My chest got all red and a few raised spots.. And I did have some very mild facial tingling and theres no way in hell I'm getting invlolved in emergency care right now. And well hopefll never so I thought about taking Pamprin but I found the cold and flu med. I took one. The deal is i' get a cough then a really tight chest andd short on breath with bendaryl and Pamprin has a diffrent antihistimne in it and does the cold n flu stuff I took the capsuals one then got fresh air went for a walk.. And my brain is soo anxious wouldnt ya know I found my reason to drink the buzz balls. I had 2 gave 1 to bobby outside too. Just bc I need to to the edge off. Then I had one of the small wines.. Then before bed I mixed the Emergen-zzz vitimain packet in with the last small wine. That suprised me bc I was fine drinkin and bam it hit me hard instialny out and well it was sickening feeling too. Anyhow I still have like a sharp pain sorta in my ear and its like pulling in my throat maybe a sinus thing. IDK I cannot swear to it i had and allgery not too much in the way of rash maybe a spot or 2 but I dont feel bad today otherwise. I actually was thinking yesteray I didnt set an alarm an d figured no way in hell i'm runnin today but I woke up natrually at like 3 I feel pretty okay so I'm gonna go for it and run as routine but since my bathroom is basicly clean I think i'll make it out closer to 10than11 depends on a few small other things thou. So if I dont survive the day least its not an entire mystery Althou I'm going to survive today


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