If I die today
Watching Truth unedited today on YOUTube I was suprised toward the end this verse actually struck me maybe an answer to a delmima personal problem. Maybe one of those weird God conviction things. I wonder a lot about how health and spefically physcopathicy or whatever you call the mind of of a physcopath how does this influence sin , my sin. And well percepetions bc tempation to do something wrong and accept it as justified or good just bc you gently executed your mission or that you enjoyed it or did it with a smile and hug . Doesn't make it less wrong but in the mind sure you can bear it more to yourself. But knowingly twisting and straying from the truth will have conquences.. This sorta makes me want to flee temptions and try again right wait for purity. I think I believe if I was to come before God no matter what level or clinical diagnosis or label I have earned or accepted here on earth it won't matter if I knowingly try to twist wrong to right. It's sad quite frankly. While I dont know what'll happen about the sins I make in good faith bc I've been decieved. There;s an accountablity and my ideas take intention when twisting them up to fit Gods will and my own purposes. I dont think I can blame horomones, brain diasease or malfuntion or whatver mental diease i've got/had or will have for the thoughts that I let generate into a plan against Gods will. I don't know that I have the strength to overcome temption but knowledge is power and I have to be accountable for what I do know for sure. The things I believe I have to stand in them. If I toss out or adjust or dismiss or twist things its not gonna slide or be an accident specially when I'v moved with intention to please myself and to justify why it's right and why God should accept this offer. I dont know where or how I"ll find the strength to overcome tempation and Ill be victiouous but I'm pretty concerned about my behavior and I'd like too change my ways. Even if I have a mental defect or maybe demonic or maybe fleshly physical issue I gotta say I'm no dummy and theres a line in there somewhere of whats me and whats not. Sometimes just have to endure and fight and sacrifice the wants of the body and heart to stand in truth and flee wrong choices or endure and overcome and fight to continue in what is truly good. Seems like a lotta responibility kinda a bummer I don't wanna go out today with all this crazyiness and stand before God with my but, but, but, and then smile and hope I can flirt my way in. My behavior will never be perfect but lets face it every little thing that sastifies will not bear fruit not even on earth much less in heaven.
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