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me and my life
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2021-01-08 18:13:23 (UTC)

Emptiness

Today we came at sis place. We will stay here as much as mom wish may be for 2 weeks. After that we will stay at at my aunt's place for 2 days and after that we will return home.
For some reason I feel very empty. I really him V a lot. I feel sad, miserable and so frustrated that, that person just not bothered to check on me. But he is right why will he when nothing is between us. But if I were in his place I would have because we had something and that something was very special, personal and precious. I would have checked on him on basis of humanity.
I miss him terribly. I really want to hear him. I wish we would have atleast talked like just friends. Monkuuuu with u it was different, and I may not be like that with something else's like I was with you. I misssss you so bad that I want to cry, want to call you, want t share so much, want your sympathy, want your console, I want you to treat me like a baby like you always did. Whatever happened between us was not correct and was saddest.
I wish you would even bother to ask about me to at least nilesh specially after knowing that I lost my dad.
Monkuuuu I still remember our last hug and some where I felt that it was last darnnn but I wasn't sure it was just an intuition. I feel you hug, your heartbeat, your breath, warmth I so so miss you baby. I want to hug you so badly. And I hate myself for this. Also, you don't deserve to be missed the way I am because whatever be it whatever you did was sad and wrong.
I know even you are feeling empty inside and you have no one to share your feelings. I know you are alone sad too but you can call me but you love your ego more. But it's better to be aloof than to bother Self by keeping in touch. But still yaarrrr how can you move on so early 😩😩😩😩😩😩


I hate you.... You are blamable for so many reasons when you were in my life and also now when you are not. I loved you so much but I don't regret. I have so mixed feelings for you. I miss you but I hate you but actually I don't hate you. I always want to give you benefit of doubt. Babyyyy I feel so cranky. Miss you like helllll.... Call me once because I won't.
But I feel so empty without you. I dream about you I dnt even thi k abt anyone you dnt deserve but still I do. I fantasies of you coming home uninformed just to see me, you meet me accidentally somewhere out, we happen to work in same co, we plan and meet uffff m so dumbasss also I thi k we bump into each other after manyyyyy years.
M so stupid. I'll always keep a track untill I see whom you marry... And that would take 4-5 yrs am sure.
Will you wish me on my bday?? I know you won't. Cyaaaaa m going bonkers I should handle myself emotionally because I have gone through a lot these many months I miss you because I'll find peace in you. Now you understand moron why I miss you. Because I miss the way you handled me consoled me and made me feel good. By saying sab thik hojayega mela baccha uffff this makes me cry even more. I should stopped. Cyaaa


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