Lost Soul

~This Crazy Life Of Mine~
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2021-01-08 11:26:52 (UTC)

Nearing The End

The last almost 7 months have been a huge rollercoaster. My marriage fell apart... I tried my best to make it work. I fought..... I screamed. I cried... sooo many tears. I hurt. But enough was enough. So I left...

Now, in a little over a week, my divorce will be finalized. Done. Ended forever...

To say I'm okay, to say I've accepted it, would be a complete lie....

We've both moved forward. Only talking when we have too. But it's hard... I miss what once was. What we once were. Who we were as a couple. I know it was what was best, for the both of us but.... I'm not dealing well. I have good days. But than I have my bad. And when they're bad, they're bad. And today is one of them. I want to cry. To message him and say "WHY!??!?!" And was I really that hard of a person do deal with!? I just dont understand...

I'm the one who left. I'm the one who called it quits. I shouldn't be hurting like this... but he didnt fight... Not when I left nor when I was right in front of him, bagging him to help me, help our marriage. He just brushed it off. Made it out to be my fucking fault...

God... this hurts. I just want the pain, thoughts, and sometimes, the tears, to stop. I want to forget... To be happy all the time. To not feel this way. But how....? How do I move past the hurt? The pain? The possible regret? Will it ever really be okay? Will I find the closure I long for?


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