from my heart
letting things be
im learning to be less reactive towards people's attitudes / commentaries. mom was annoyed in the car today because i told her i would need a ride on saturday and sunday at 10. she didn't want to give the ride which i completely understand but i am not in a situation where i can get a ride this time because my boss is sick.
when we arrived home, mom apologized for her taking her anger out on me and it was good. i am learning to not take small things and turn it into a big deal. we talked a lot. i dont know how but she ended up talking about my dad. i told her that eventually all things will come into place in life. she said what about dad and his death. she told me that she cant think about him or talk about him at almost all times because it hurts too much to do so. she said that when he passed away she thought countless amount of times if there would be any way to get him back. she said that she would pray to god and ask him to take a limb of hers to have him back. i told her that if dad was here i think that he would tell her that " it will be okay and i love you" she cried but she was also pretty drunk by this point
she told me that if she dies one day (which i refused to allow) she hopes that julie and i will stay best friends. that even if i end up poor, i would help her out if she needed help.
you know, im fine being alone. im glad i can sort of come to a point in life where i dont feel so bothered or hateful towards anyone anymore. i feel mostly indifferent.
i try to be a good person. i just wonder if there will be somebody one day where i can be vulnerable with again. i like being vulnerable.. its just hard to trust anyone to be vulnerable with.
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