Amethyst

I don't even know
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2021-01-01 04:41:43 (UTC)

This Year

Dear Diary,
How's it going? Today is New Year's Eve and I'm honestly just waiting for the last minute to pass already. I'm feeling how I usually feel writing these entries. Tired, bored, and my head hurts. There have been sounds of fireworks outside my apartment, but I can't see them so that kinda sucks. Crazy to think about how quickly this year felt. Like it felt like it was zooming past me, yet it went by so slow at the same time. I'm gonna turn 13 in like a week already. I kinda wish I could leave. Like leave this life and house. I wanna go live somewhere on a hill. Meadowy and there's a lake. Sometimes I think about leaving. I discovered a pretty word a few weeks ago; Hiraeth. It means a homesickness for the home that never was or no longer exists. I think it fits what I feel perfectly. This year made special moments feel meaningless. Christmas didn't feel like Christmas at all; for me at least. I think New Year is the same honestly. I wanted to celebrate with like food and drinks. But we're all just home and texting people. There's also something I wanna get off my chest. I don't wanna live anymore. I just, wanna be at peace. I say this a lot in past entries, but I just can't shake this feeling. Sorry fi it annoys you guys though. I'm just, feeling really numb lately. But I don't have anyone to talk to. Even if I did, I don't wanna feel like a burden. My eyes are heavy as hell right now. I'm pretty tired and I'm gonna sleep as soon as I text people Happy New Years and shit like that. Well I guess that's all for now. I love all of you, and you guys have made my eyar worthwhile. To all a Goodnight, and a Prosperous and Successful New Year!!!


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