The Underground Woman

Out of Spite
2020-12-31 03:04:08 (UTC)

Change

Today, I celebrate my ten-year anniversary of writing in this journal. When I was thirteen-years-old, I was confused and taken advantage of by people I trusted. The cycle continued as I grew older, and as a twentythree-year-old, I absolutely feel the effects of my naivety. Tomorrow, I will also celebrate my ten year anniversary of being a self-harm addict and a suicidal ideation obsessor. Though I haven't hurt myself in years, I mentally suffer because I cannot handle my own memories, and I cannot hope for tomorrow because I am stuck in the past where my sins and wounds fester.

Ten years.

I began my search for help earlier today by emailing a few counseling centers, hoping that a doctor with experience in sexual abuse can take me on as their patient. I am hoping that they can help guide me out of this darkness. I am hoping that they can make me a better mother and a more compassionate wife. I am hoping they can help me live with myself because I can no longer continue on this road. I am absolutely stuck, and I am awaiting their reply.




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